Zombie Warrior: Secondary Weapons!

Welcome back prospective zombie warriors! Now that you’ve selected your attire/body armor, its time for you to contemplate how you will go about the business of zombie smashing! And what better place to start than with the category of Melee Weapons and hand guns! They are your first and last line of defense, easily procured, easy to use (for the most part), and a the wisest choice when it comes to discreetly dispatching denizens known as the undead.

But alas, the choices are even more numerous and varied than clothing and armor. Consider the following two categories and make your choice! You only get one each, so choose wisely…

Secondary Weapons:
When facing the hordes of the undead, one of the most important weapons to have is your sidearm. Though noisy and likely to draw more zombies to your position, there’s nothing better for quick, effective kills. Just aim between the eyes and pull. One shot, one kill. Just remember to consider the interplay of weight,  killing power and ammo capacity when making your selection. Heavier weapons have larger calibers, but lighter weapons are easier to use. Ammo capacity has much to do with this, and the number of bullets you have may determine how long you live!

Handguns:
.38 Special:
Pros:
A time-honored classic, the .38 Special has a very long history of service with police and security forces the world over. Famous for its light weight, accuracy and simplicity, it is perhaps the most stable pistol around.

Cons: The downside to this weapon is the ammo capacity and the time it takes to reload. Speed loaders have cut this down considerably, but it is still not nearly as quick as your average automatic.

Beretta:
Pros:
The Cadillac of automatics, the M9 Beretta is not only a law-enforcement favorite, but is standard issue for US armed forces personnel. It’s size and caliber give it a good weight to power ration, but it’s biggest advantage comes in its ammo capacity (16 bullets).

Cons: Despite its advantages, the weapon is somewhat inaccurate compared to the steadier revolver. This balances out the high ammo capacity somewhat, and makes one-handed firing a bit tricky, especially if your shots need to be in the brain pan.

Colt 45:
Pros:
Another classic, and a weapon which was the mainstay of the US Army, Navy and USMC for many generations. Combining a large caliber slug with a very simple design, it is easily maintained, light-weight, and quite powerful. What’s more, it can fired thousands of times without mechanical problems, and can be stripped and rebuilt with ease. This comes in handy in a post-apocalyptic environment.

Cons: However, accuracy is again a bit of an issue compared to revolvers, and at nine rounds per magazine, it’s ammo capacity is a bit low for an automatic. Be sure to make your bullets count!

Desert Eagle:
Pros:
If you’re looking for raw power, look no further! The Desert Eagle has a reputation the world over for being a true ass-kicker, boasting a .50 caliber bullet and a serious kick. A single shot of this pistol is capable of taking a zombie head clean off, and can knock one clean down, giving the shooter a chance to administer a head blow.

Cons: However, that power comes at the cost of accuracy and ammo capacity. With only seven bullets, and packing some serious kick-back, a user might be hard pressed to get off enough head shots before they run out of bullets.

Magnum:

Pros: Speaking of firepower, the .357 Magnum also has a reputation that precedes it. Based on the trusty, reliable revolver framework, the .357 packs some additional muzzle velocity that gives it some seri0us punch!

Cons: However, it still only packs six bullets, which can be a real problem when the heat is on. What’s more, that added punch comes at the cost of some accuracy

Calico:
Pros: Combining 9mm rounds with a 50 round helical magazine and a small, lightweight frame, the Calico is man’s best friend when it comes to close quarters zombie killing. Only slightly larger and heavier than a hand gun, it multiplies the zombie hunters killing power and effective range exponentially.

Cons: However, accuracy is a bit of an issue, as this gun is a little front end heavy and required two hands to use effectively. And since it is heavier and larger, portability can be a bit of an issue. Simply whipping it out and taking on the zombie hordes when your primary runs out of ammo is not easy when it requires two hands.

FN P90:
Pros: Submachine guns that are compact and can be fired in both the full auto and semi-auto modes are quite the boon in a zombie fight. And given its compact size, light weight, and good capacity, the P90 is a good candidate for killing the undead.

Cons: However, there are downsides to this weapon as well, such as its limited range, accuracy, and the fact that two hands are needed to wield it effectively. What’s more, its a complex design which makes it harder to maintain.

MP5K:
Pros:
The compact version of the MP5, this submachine gun is a favorite amongst military personnel and mercenaries alike, due largely to its light weight, two handed grip, and full auto capabilities. And with a 30 round magazine, it has longevity when set to semi-automatic fire.

Cons: In a zombie battle, the full auto mode is a drawback. Ultimately, it’s best to set this baby on semi-auto and take advantage of the stock grip to get a better shot. Otherwise, your ammo goes quick and will spray wild.

PP-2000:
Pros:
Basically, this weapons is a handgun-submachinegun hybrid, with many of the benefits of both in one package. Boasting a 9mm slug, a small lightweight frame and a respectable 20 round clip, this weapon is very portable and easily drawn in a hurry.

Cons: As usual, accuracy is an issue for this weapon. At close range, it is effective, but beyond a few dozen meters, its effectively useless for head shots. What’s more, the auto fire is pretty irrelevant since it only has a 20 round clip. Best thing to do is set it to semi-auto and restrict yourself to close range fights.

All set! Choose your final weapon, and let’s get this apocalypse started! Please don’t pretend like you’re not excited…

zombie_survival_sheet

Zombie Warriors: Apparel and Melee Weapons

apoc_soldiersFirst up, is the question of apparel, what you intent to be wearing when the fight begins…

Apparel:
As we all know, taking on zombies is a matter of protection as much as firepower. Nobody wants to step into the middle of the apocalypse naked or clothed in their basic street wear, especially if they dressed light! In addition, you also have to think about mobility, both in the getting around sense and the ability to move your limbs with comfort and ease. If you’re weight down, you’re likely to become a zombie’s meal. Using your physique as a template, select from the following items to see which would best suit you, taking into account various mobility and protection factors.

Body Armor:
Pros: Military issue body armor has a number of advantages when it comes to fighting zombies. For one, its loaded with kevlar plates that a zombie is going to have a hell of a time ripping through. Second, it covers your vitals, shoulders, crotch and neck from bites, while leaving your arms relatively free to fight. It’s also lightweight, which is handy since mobility is key in a zombie fight.

Cons: However, the downside to this armor is that it doesn’t provide protection for your limbs, which are often what the zombies go for. So in a close fight, you’ll have to keep moving to avoid that fatal bite and/or scratch. What’s more, it can constrict your mobility just enough to be considered an impediment. It’s great for protecting against bullet-fire. but in melee combat, it’s protection is limited. But of course, not all your enemies may be zombies. Just in case you have to go up against other hunters or certain “Governor” type forces, this suit could come in handy…

Fatigues:
Pros: If you’re looking for something loose-fitting and made for getting around, look no further! Army fatigues were specifically designed to give soldiers a full range of motion, which includes marching, running, shooting, hand-to-hand fighting, even rappelling. And the stitching ensures that you won’t have any embarrassing rip ups! What’s more, it covers your entire body which is great protection against zombie scratches.

Cons: However, the protection factor does not reach very far beyond that. The fabric is not strong enough to protect against bites, and a committed undead will be able to tear off a sleeve or a pant leg without too much effort. So while it’s great for mobility, don’t count on it saving your life when you’re in the thick of it!

Hooded Cloak:
Pros: True, the main advantages here are cosmetic, but damn it if those don’t count for something! Like Michonne’s mysterious cloak, this gives any zombie fighter that je ne sais quoi, that undefinable quality that makes others not want to mess with them. What’s more, its good cover for a sword or small arms weapon, which can come in handy when going up against the walking dead. And the cloak can even act as a weapon itself if its wearer is quick and uses the lapels to distract their opponent and then deliver fatal stabs.

Cons: Downsides are obvious. The cloak can be a liability when it comes to running and fighting. While it can conceal your face and give you a certain mystique, it can also get in the way in the middle of a fight. And of course, zombies can easily find their way inside it and get at your flesh. As your mamma may have told you when you were a kid “looking cool isn’t always smart”.

Kevlar Vest:
Pros: One has to assume that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, police gear will be suddenly available for civilian use, especially if you know the police HQ has been overrun. And as far as protection and mobility go, a Kevlar vest is not a bad option. While it may not provide any arm, leg, shoulder or neck protection, it still ensures that your midsection is well defended against clawing, biting zombies who would just love to get at your organs. What’s more, it does not constrict your mobility or weight you down.

Cons: But alas, armoring your midsection and leaving the extremities exposed might leave you wanting. Much like the full suit of Kevlar, this option is only partially suited to close encounters with zombies, but highly useful against opponents who have access to firearms. Again, it’s important to keep in mind that not all your troubles will stem from the undead.

Powered Armor:
Pros: When it comes to combining armored protection with enhanced strength and speed, the powered armor suit is the absolute tops! In addition to boasting armor plates in all the right places, it gives the wearer the ability to wield a power punch that could knock off a zombie’s head! And the enhanced leg strength allows for speedier running and higher jumping, which comes in handy in a pinch!

Cons: The armor suit has some drawbacks vis a vis its enhanced power, in that it requires you to wind up and let loose. If and when you find yourself set upon by hungry zombies, you won’t have the space to deliver a blow. And in this instance, the suit’s weight and armor can become a liability as well, proving heavy and cumbersome, and hence restrictive to movement.

Riot Gear:
Pros: Another police issue, the riot gear outfit is perhaps the best armor option available to the zombie hunter. Made up of Kevlar, plastic and fabric that covers your core, shoulders, arms, legs, and head, this suit has all your bases covered. Unless they are able to swarm you, zombies will have a hell of a time finding their way through this suit or armor. If you’ve read the Walking Dead comic or seen 28 Days Later, you know just how effective this suit can be.

Cons: But of course, the likelihood of being swarmed increases exponentially when wearing this suit. Although the wearer is a veritable walking tank, running is very difficult in it and mobility is highly constricted. And in the end, some areas are still exposed to zombies clever enough to find them, such as your armpits, neck and chin. These, they’ll only find if they really search for them, but if and when they get you cornered, expect them to try!

Melee Weapons:
No zombie warrior is fully equipped without a melee weapon, which is both a weapon of last resort and a way to dispatch the undead in a way that is quiet, and up close and personal! Not only do melee weapons not run out of ammo, they do not make a significant amount of noise which will attract more zombies to your location. Just remember, the bigger and more deadly the weapon, the harder its going to be to keep swinging it. Choose wisely!

Axe:
axePros: As zombie-smashers go, an axe is a pretty popular option. A solid blow from one of these is sure to split a zombies head in half, and the size and weight are still manageable. This balance of size, weight and killing power make it a weapon that can be swung for awhile before the user will succumb to exhaustion, and the odds of it breaking on you are quite minimal.

Cons: Only downside is that this weapon is capable of getting stuck in a zombie’s face after its been used to split their skull. This can really screw you in a pitch battle where multiple swings are needed to dispatch wave after wave of incoming undead.

Baseball Bat:
baseball_batPros: Perhaps the most popular option for zombie-smashing, the baseball bat offers numerous advantages in a small, lightweight package. The blunt force trauma from a few good swings is likely to be fatal, and since zombie heads are often softened by necrosis, a single good swing can often deal death on them.

Cons: Only downside to a baseball bat is that extended use can break them. Being small and lightweight, repeated blows to zombie skulls can lead to a breakage.

Hammer:
hammerPros: Another favorite of the veteran zombie warrior, the modern hammer offers a lot of killing power in a tiny package. Especially the all-metal variant, this melee weapon is a boon at close range since it can offer blunt-force trauma from the head or punctures from the clawed edge.

Cons: A small weapon, a hammer is heavily reliant on the one who swings it. A good strong arm can wield it for extended periods of time and send zombie after zombie to the grave for good. But in the hands of a smaller person, it’s likely to have limited power.

Katana:
katanaPros: An ancient and powerful weapon, the katana offers zombie-hunters quite a few advantages, and makes the wielder look pretty damn cool in the process! The solid blade, sharp edge, and manageable weight give it some pretty awesome killing power. Not only is it capable of hewing off limbs with ease, an overhead blow can split a zombie skull in half.

Cons: But of course, the katana is not for everyone. Like all swords, it requires some training before it can be used effectively and efficiently. Its not like other melee weapons that can simple be picked up and swung willy-nilly. And those who try are likely to hurt themselves or make a mess of things!

Ka-Bar:
Ka-barPros: The standard issue of the Marine Corps, the Ka-Bar knife is an effective killing tool when re-purposed for zombie-hunting. Lightweight, easily wielded, and very portable, this knife is sharp enough to slice through any necrotic tissue, and the sturdy blade has been known to be able to punch through skull.

Cons: One downside to the knife is that it is not designed for repeated skull-stabbing. Using it in this way can lead to breakage or loss, especially if the weapon gets stuck in a zombie’s skull. The best option is to find another route to the zombie’s brain and stab there.

Longsword:
longswordPros: A one-handed medieval recreation, the longsword is an effective zombie-killing tool in the modern age. Made of tempered steel, razor-sharp, and possessing a few good pounds of weight, a single blow is likely to split a skull or remove a head with ease. At the same time, it is easy enough to wield with one hand.

Cons: Some training required, and given the balance of weight and the fact that it’s one-handed weapon, its really only useful in the hands of someone strong enough who can comfortably swing a five pound weight without getting overtired. Much like the katana, the weapon is not for everybody.

Machete:
machetePros: Lightweight, easy to wield and sharp as hell, the machete is perhaps the most balanced weapon in the zombie-hunter’s arsenal. As an edged weapon, it possesses many of the advantages of a sword, but its smaller size and lighter weight make it far more portable and much easier to wield.

Cons: Interestingly enough, the advantages of this weapon also present some downsides. The lighter weight and small size means it has less killing power than a larger, heavier edged weapon. While a good blow is likely to take off a zombie head or hew a limb, its more likely to get stuck and has a shorter effective swinging range.

Truncheon:
truncheon
Pros: Another blunt-force trauma weapon, the truncheon is a common law enforcement tool that is popular when re-purposed for zombie-killing. Composed of metal, collapsible, and easy to swing, the truncheon is very handy in a close fight with a horde of undead. It can also be used for extended periods of time with little training and requires little upper body strength, making it highly versatile as well.

Cons: Unlike other blunt-force trauma weapons, this small and lightweight weapon is not likely to smash a skull with a single blow. While useful when deployed against a person, zombies feel no pain and aren’t deterred by stinging blows. Lucky for users that its light, because many swings will be needed to take your enemy down!

Time to pick and choose folks! Get your gear on and select your zombie-smasher of choice. And stay tuned for the next few posts in my series of Zombie Warriors! Next up, we talk about guns and ranged weapons! The zombie apocalypse doesn’t stand a chance!

Zombie Weapons (addendum)

Can’t believe it but I seemed to have forgotten an all important aspect of zombie fighting with my last post (Zombie Guns). We all know there are certain kinds of firepower that excel at smashing zombie brains. But when it comes right down to it, there’s something to be said for a truly old fashioned weapon. The kind that relies on your swinging arm, or perhaps a little gasoline! I am of course referring to melee weapons, the kind that are designed for hand to hand.

So I am amending my last list to include some prime zombie smashing equipment. I also think I will amend the rules from the last post. Instead of four guns, I think we should get our pick of three plus one melee weapon. That seems fair, and works well with the whole balance of firepower and versatility thing. Bullets run out, but what you got in your hands can keep on killing until you break it or you get overrun! Dammit, all this talk of zombie smashing is making me

Melee Weapons:
The weapon on truly last resort, what you grab a hold of when all else fails or you just plain run out of ammo. In this case, what matters is either blunt force trauma, slicing power, or a combination thereof. Weight and balance are also important, as is compactness and portability. Since this is your last weapon, it should fit on your person without trouble and not be a hassle to get around.

Axe:
Chopping wood is just one of many uses for this traditional tool turned zombie killer! On the one hand, you can use the blade to chop zombie skulls, then you can turn it around for a little blunt force trauma. This allows for swinging back and forth without having to worry about making sure the sharp end is pointed forward. And it can also be used with one hand, keeping the other free for other weapons!

However, as anyone who’s chopped wood for an extended period of time knows, swinging an axe can get pretty tiring! And even though it can be swung with one hand, its hard to do that and shoot or stab from the other, know what I mean?

Baseball Bat:
Ah yes, the symbol of America’s pastime and the favored weapon of gangsters, gang-bangers and thugs everywhere! And in the event of a zombie apocalypse, its also pretty handy for smashing the heads of the infected/undead! In terms of blunt force trauma, it can’t be beat. Its tough wooden frame can take down a zombie with a single blow, and a few more will finish the job! It’s also quite wieldy and not heavy, making repeated use easy.

Downsides? Well it requires that you keep a hand free to carry it. Otherwise, you need a special carrying sleeve to hold it which can take up added room. Miniature ones can be snuck up your shirt sleeve, but that presents its own problems.

Chainsaw:
What is it about chainsaws that are just so cool? Is it because they’re gruesome and ruthless, at least in the right hands? Perhaps. But in the right hands, they are also a very good zombie killer. A single slashing cut can take off a zombie head, and simple contact can hew off limbs and chew through their ugly flesh!

Naturally, the size and weight of this weapon can make it a bit unwieldy. And of course it requires two hands which can make cycling between weapons difficult. And last, it requires gasoline to function, which means it has a limited term of service. Lots of killing power, but you pay for it in other ways.

Chainsaw bayonet:
Now here is a pretty awesome combination! The raw killing power of a chainsaw with the added functionality of a bayonet. In addition to providing the user with the grinding power of a chainsaw, it also frees up their hands so they can tote their rifle. This combination gives them killing power at a distance and an effective melee attack if any zombies get in close.

The downside of this is obvious though. The added weight to the front of the rifle makes for depleted accuracy and portability. Basically, a soldier has to hold the front end constantly, forcing them to shoot from the hip instead of taking aim. And again, the weapon is only functional so long as it has a gas supply.

Claymore:
The sword that made Scotland proud and its warriors feared! Heavy, long, sharp and beautifully crafted, this sword is famous for knocking off heads and limbs with single strokes. Its long blade also makes for a good reach against flesh-hungry zombies!

Downsides? Well, its size and weight make it hard to wield. As long as you got two arms and big muscles, you can swing this around and take out any zombie in the vicinity. But anyone doing this can expect to get tired fast. And like the chainsaw, it requires two hands, making cycling difficult.

KA-BAR:
The knife made famous by the Marine Corps, or was it the other way around? No, I’m pretty sure the Marines were doing fine before this knife came along. Still, its effectiveness as an infantry weapon make it a perfect addition to any zombie killing arsenal. A good 7 inches long, sharp as hell, and made of steel with a carbon tip point, a good thrust will render zombie brains inoperative.

As for downsides, can’t think of many. In close quarters, this is a good weapon to have, being lightweight and requiring only one hand to wield. Of course, the fact that it can’t take off zombie limbs means it can only kill when plunged into a zombie’s skull. And in its current form, it can’t be fixed as a bayonet, making it less versatile than some other blades here.

Pigsticker:
The little bayonet that could… F*@#! up the face of some zombies! Yes, this spike bayonet has undergone a revival of sorts thanks to the prospect of a zombie apocalypse. Small, adaptable to any rifle, and capable of taking out a zombie brain with a good poke in the eye, this weapon is both portable, versatile, and effective!

It’s small size and the fact that it can be mounted on top also doesn’t eliminate the possibility of a grenade launcher attached to your rifle either. However, the spike is somewhat limited in some respects. Being small and thin, it can’t really penetrate a skull with ease. Overuse can also break it, and its range is somewhat limited.

Samuria Sword:
My thanks to Goran Zidar for suggesting this one. In the event of a zombie attack, this weapon is definitely one I would want on hand! Made of folded, tempered steel, good weight and wieldy, this sword can cut through bone, flesh, knock off heads, and limbs all at once. It can even chop into the brain pan of a zombie when used in an overhead attack.

But of course, the sword still takes two hands to wield effectively. What’s more, in the event of a head attack, it can get stuck in vertebrae and skull bone if not used properly. Always remember to snap the blade back at the end of the strike!

SKS folding bayonet:
This Soviet-era bayonet is famous for being the only gun mounted blade that is retractable. This can be a time saver when it comes time to prepare for a zombie charge, or ensure some added safety should you want to leave the bayonet on full time.

Downsides are few, but the folding attachment means that a stiff blow can detach it from the fixed position. In a zombie fight, you don’t want to find your bayonet folded back on you, thus forcing you refix it between brain stabbings! Having this bayonet on also means you can’t have a rocket launcher fixed to your weapon.

Machete:
Much like the baseball bat, the machete’s greatest features are its simplicity and brutal efficiency. And just for fun, I selected the Kukri machete, the Nepalese inspired variant which is the workhorse of modern machetes. Few weapons can out-cut this one, and a single blow is about as effective as that of samurai sword. But the Kukri manages to accomplish this with a much smaller frame, making it more compact and portable.

Potential downsides… Well it’s not the easiest thing to carry when not in use. Its curved blade means that you’d need a special holster since you can’t expect to just stick in your pocket, not unless you want to sever something vital! And since it’s smaller than a sword, you can’t really sling it over your back. So yes, portability might be a bit of an issue.

M9 Bayonet:
Last, but certainly not least, is the standard M9 infantry bayonet. A favorite amongst the US Army and USMC, the M9 is effective, reliable, and a quick kill option when fixed onto an assault rifle. Fixed at two points to a weapon, the odds of it coming off are also unlikely, making it a sturdy killer as well.

Drawbacks include diminished accuracy, which has been a problem since WWII. Soldiers usually resolve this by waiting until the enemy is close before fixing them. However, this presents the problem of having to take the time to slap it on while the zombie’s approach!

Are You Ready?
Okay, so the rules are clear right? One melee weapon, three guns. GO! My new picks are as follows:

Melee: Kukri Machete
Small Arm: Calico
Shotgun: USAS-12
Rifle: Stey AUG

I’m ready for some zombie smashing! Let me at em!