Tag: river

Firefly Best Lines (cont’d)

Last time, I dedicated an entire post to the best lines out of the Firefly series, and only got halfway through its first and only season! I can’t imagine how many posts I’ve going to have to divide this into to make them all fit and not be totally overwhelming to read! Best estimates put it at three…

Jaynestown:
The crew pull a job on a backwater planet where apparently, Jayne is worshiped as a popular hero. When the local people realize he’s returned, things get real interesting real fast!

Simon: I swear… when it’s appropriate.
Kaylee: Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain’t appropriate.

Simon: What… happened in here?
Jayne: Needed to find some tape.
Simon: So you had to tear my infirmary apart?
Jayne: Apparently.
Simon: My God. You’re like a trained ape… without the training!

Mal: You wanna tell me how come there’s a statue of you here, looking at me like I owe him something?
Jayne: Wishin’ I could, Captain.
Mal: No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me–?
Jayne: Look, Mal, I got no ruttin’ idea. I was here a few years back, like I said. Pulled a second-story, stole a lot of scratch from the magistrate up on the hill. But things went way south. I had to hightail it. They don’t…put you on a pedestal in town square for that.
Mal: Yeah, but I’m looking at some fair compelling evidence says they do.
Simon: [staring at the statue] This must be what going mad feels like.

Book: What are we up to, sweetheart?
River: Fixing your Bible.
Book: I, um…what?
River: Bible’s broken. Contradictions, false logistics – doesn’t make sense.
Book: It’s not about… making sense. It’s about believing in something. And letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It’s about faith. You don’t fix faith, River. It fixes you.

River: They say the snow on the roof is too heavy. They say the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger.
Book: River? Please, why don’t you come on out?
River: No! Can’t. Too much hair.
Book: Is— is that it?
Zoe: Hell, yes, preacher. If I didn’t have stuff to get done, I’d be in there with her.

Mal: So, that’s where the little ‘Jayne Day Celebration’ we got planned comes in. Should give us enough time to get the goods back onto Serenity.
Jayne: I don’t know. You think we should be using my fame to hoodwink folks?
Mal: You better laugh when you say that.
Jayne:  No really, Mal, I mean, maybe there’s something to this. The Mudders? I think I really made a difference in their lives. You know — me, Jayne Cobb.
Mal: I know your name, jackass.

Simon: I mean, my way of being… polite, or however it’s… Well, it’s the only way I have of… showing you… that I like you… of showing respect.
Kaylee: So, when… we made love last night—
Simon: When we what?!
Kaylee: You really are such an easy mark.

Jayne: Hell, there weren’t a-one of them understood what happened out there; they’re… probably stickin’ that statue right back up.
Mal: Most like.
Jayne: I don’t know why that eats at me so.
Mal: It’s my estimation that… every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of sumbitch or another. Ain’t about you, Jayne. It’s about what they need.

Out of Gas:
A malfunction in the engine forces the crew of the Serenity to abandon ship. Mal stays behind, but is wounded when the crew of another ship try to take him for all he has!

Zoe: You paid money for this, sir? On purpose?
Mal: What? Come on, seriously, Zoe. Whaddya think?
Zoe: Honestly, sir? I think you got robbed.
Mal: Robbed? What? No. What do you mean?
Zoe: It’s a piece of fei-oo.
Mal: Fei-oo? Okay, she won’t be winning any beauty contests anytime soon. But she’s solid. Ship like this, be with ya ’til the day you die.
Zoe:Cause it’s a deathtrap.

Mal: Try to see past what she is, and on to what she can be.
Zoe: What’s that, sir?
Mal: Freedom, is what.
Zoe: [pointing] I meant, what’s that?
Mal: Oh. Yeah, just step around that. I think somethin’ must’ve been livin’ in here.

Mal: Which one do you figured tracked us?
Zoe: The ugly one, sir.
Mal: Could you be more specific?

al: Looks can be deceiving.
Jayne: Not as deceiving as a lowdown, dirty… deceiver.

Wash: What do you expect me to do, Mal?
Mal: Whatever you have to! And if you can’t do it from here, then get a suit on and go outside on the side of the boat—
Wash: And what?! Wave my arms around?
Mal: Wave your arms around, jump up and down, divert the navsats to the transmitter – whatever.
Wash: Divert the— Right! Because teenage pranks are fun when you’re about to die!
Mal: Give the beacon a boost, wouldn’t it?
Wash: Yes, Mal! It would boost the signal. But even if some passerby did happen to receive, all it would do is muck up their navigation!
Mal: Could be that’s true.
Wash: Damn right, it’s true! They’d be forced to stop and dig out our signal before they could even go anyplace.
Wash: Well, maybe I should do that then!
Mal: Maybe you should!
Wash: Ok!
Mal: Good!
Wash: Fine!

Kaylee: You offerin’ me a job?
Bester: W-w-w—what?
Mal: Believe I just did.
Kaylee: I just gotta ask my folks. Don’t leave without me!
Bester: Mal! What do you need two mechanics for?
Mal: I really don’t.

Ariel:
The crew agrees to pull a job for Simon on the core planet of Ariel. In exchange for getting him and his sister into a hospital, so he can examine her and determine what Alliance scientists did to her, they will get to a chance to steal some lucrative medical supplies.

[Jayne spits on his sharpening stone and sharpens his big knife]
Simon: Could you not do that while we’re… ever?
Wash: So, two days in a hospital? That’s awful! Don’t you just hate doctors?
Simon: Hey!
Wash: I mean, present company excluded.
Jayne: Let’s not be excludin’ people. That’d be rude.

[River slashes Jayne’s chest.]
River: He looks better in red.

[Practicing their cover story]
Mal: Patients were cynical and not responding and we couldn’t bring ’em back-
Simon: They were cyanotic and not responsive.

Simon: What about cortical electrodes?
Jayne: Oh! …We forget ’em.
Simon: Let’s try that again.

Mal: Pupils were fixed and dilapitated—
Simon: Dilated.
Mal: Dilated. Dilated! Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng! Shiny.

[At the hospital]
Emergency Nurse: What do you got?
Mal: Got a couple DOAs. By the time we got there—
Emergency Nurse: Take them down to the morgue.
Jayne: We applied the cortical electrodes, but we were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient!

Mal: Now all we need is a coupla patients.
Simon: Corpses, actually.  For this plan to work, River and I will have to be dead.
Jayne: I’m starting to like this plan.

Mal: You know, I hear tell they used to keelhaul traitors back in the day. I don’t have a keel to haul you on, so…
Jayne: What’re you takin’ it so personal for? It ain’t like I ratted you out to the feds!
Mal: Oh, but you did! You turn on any of my crew, you turn on me! But since that’s a concept you can’t seem to wrap your head around, then you got no place here. You did it to me, Jayne. And that’s a fact.

Simon: I brought some medicine. Do you remember why we went to hospital?
River: It’s time to go to sleep again.
Simon: No, mei-mei. It’s time to wake up.

War Stories:
Mal and Wash are abducted by their old client and crimelord, Niska. In the course of being tortured, they get to work out some of their issues regarding his and Zoe’s relationship.

Book: [quoting Xiang Yu] He said, “Live with a man forty years. Share his house, his meals… speak on every subject… then tie him up, and hold him over the volcano’s edge. And on that day, you will finally meet the man.”
Simon: What if you don’t live near a volcano?
Book: I expect he was being poetical.
Simon: Sadistic crap legitimized by florid prose. Tell me you’re not a fan.
Book: I’m just wondering if they were. The people who did this to your sister.

Mal: Ah, the pitter-patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots… SHUT UP! …One of you is gonna fall and die, and I’m not cleaning it up!

Kaylee: Zoe, how come you always cut your apples?
Wash: You do?
Kaylee: Her and Cap’n both. Whenever we get fresh fruit, they never just munch on ’em.
Zoe: You know what a griswald is?
Jayne: It’s a grenade.
Zoe: About the size of a battery, responds to pressure. Our platoon was stuck in a trench outside of New Casmir during the winter campaign. More than a week, completely cut off, and the Alliance entrenched not ten yards away. We even got to talkin’ to ’em, yelling across insults and jokes and such, ’cause [there was] no ammo to speak of, no orders, so what’re you gonna do? We mentioned that we were out of rations and ten minutes later, a bunch of apples rained into the trench.
Wash: And they grew into a big tree, and they all climbed up the tree to a magical land with unicorns and a harp!
Kaylee: Blew off their heads, huh?
Zoe: Cap’n said wait, but they were so hungry…Don’t make much noise, just little pops and there’s three guys that kinda just…end at the rib cage.
Wash: But these apples are healthsome, and good.
Jayne: Yeah, grenades cost extra.

Wash: And then came the lying to me about it, which for me is sort of the highlight of this little adventure.
Zoe: Is there any way I’m gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?
Wash: You’re pretty much down to ritual suicide, lamby-toes.

Zoe: I thought your plan was too risky! I thought.
Wash: Then tell me. I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it. Don’t hide behind Mal ’cause you know he’ll shoot it down for you. Tell me.
Zoe: Right. ‘Cause what this marriage needs is one more shouting match!
Wash: No, what this marriage needs is one less husband.

[Inara’s client, a woman, walks in]
Mal:…Huh.
Book: Oh, my.
Kaylee: Oh, gosh, I-I knew she took female clients, I just, uh- They look so glamorous together.
Jayne:…I’ll be in my bunk.

Wash: Didn’t want you taking off without me. In fact, didn’t want you taking off at all. Thought I might take this run instead. Me and the Captain.
Mal: The Captain who’s standing right here telling you that’s not gonna happen?
Wash: Well, it’s a dangerous mission, sir. I can’t stand the thought of something happening that might cause you two to come back with another thrilling tale of bonding and adventure. I just can’t take that right now.
Mal: Okay, um, I’m lost. Uh, I’m angry, and I’m armed, so if you two have something that you need to work out –

Wash: Hey, I’ve been in a firefight before. Well, I was in a fire. Actually, I was fired, from a fry cook opportunity. I can handle myself.

Wash: I don’t want you to spare me, Mal. If you think you know what’s happening then you tell me. You wouldn’t spare Zoe if she were in this situation with you, would you? You would be planning, and plotting, and possibly scheming. So, whatever Zoe would do in this instance is what I wanna do. And you know why? Because no matter how ugly it gets, you two always come back. With the stories. So… I’m Zoe. Now… what do I do?
Mal: Probably not talk quite so much.
Wash: Right. Less talking. She’s terse. I can be terse. Once in flight school, I was laconic... If I’m not gonna talk, then you have to!

Zoe: Preacher, don’t the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killin’?
Book: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.

Zoe: Jayne. This somethin’ the Captain has to do for himself.
Mal: No! No, it’s not!
Zoe: Oh. [shoots the henchman.]

Mal: So— I hear you all took up arms in that little piece of action back there. How you farin’ with that, Doctor?
Simon: I don’t know. I, uh, I never— never shot anyone before.
Book: I was there, son. I’m fair sure you haven’t shot anyone… yet.

Mal: I know it’s a…  difficult mission, but you and I… have to get it on.
Zoe: I understand. We have no choice. [deadpan] Take me, sir. Take me hard.
Jayne: Well, somethin’ about that is just downright unsettlin’.
Wash: We’ll be in our bunk.
Jayne: Oh, hey— [smacks Mal in the chest where he’s injured] free soup!

And I’m still not done! But I already predicted this would take at least three posts. So stay tuned for what is likely to be (presumably) the final installment in the Firefly/Serenity series!

Firefly Best Lines!

Part of what made Fireflythe best show to ever get cancelled by the Faux Network was its many, many awesome lines. Depending on the tone of things, they could cheeky, witty, smart-assed, or just downright hilarious. And after giving the show a review, I thought I might dredge up some of the better ones that I happen to recall (or can find with the help of Wiki!) Enjoy!

Pilot/Serenity:
The introductory episode, where we get to meet the extended crew, learn about their various plights, and set up the rest of the show. Among the more important aspects were the fencing of stolen goods, the introduction of Simon and River, , and the revelation that the Alliance is onto the fact that they have fugitives aboard.

Wash [as Stegosaurus]: Yes… yes. This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it… This Land.
Wash [as Allosaurus]: I think we should call it… your grave!
Wash [as Stegosaurus]: Ah! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
Wash [as Allosaurus]: Ha ha ha! Mine is an evil laugh! Now DIE!

Zoe: Sir, we don’t want to deal with Patience again.
Mal: Why not?
Zoe: She shot you.
Mal: Well, yeah, she did a bit.

Mal: You will keep a civil tongue in that mouth or I will sew it shut. Is there an understanding between us?
Jayne: You don’t pay me to talk pretty. Just because Kaylee gets lubed up over some big-city dandy-
Mal: Walk away from this table, right now.
Simon: What do you pay him for?
Mal: What?
Simon: I was curious… what is his job on this ship?
Mal: … Public relations.

Mal: I got to know how close the Alliance is, exactly how much you told them ‘fore Wash scrambled your call. So I’ve given Jayne here the job of finding out.
Jayne: [draws a huge knife] He was non-specific as to how.

Jayne: Testing, testing. Captain, can you hear me?
Mal: I’m standing right here.
Jayne: You’re coming through good and loud.
Mal: ‘Cause I’m standing right here.

Mal: But he did try to get you to turn on me?
Jayne: Yeah.
Mal: So, why didn’t you?
Jayne: Money wasn’t good enough.
Mal: What happens when it is?
Jayne: Well, that’ll be an interesting day.

The Train Job:
Mal and the crew agree to take on a heist job in order to turn around their fortunes. However, things get complicated when they realize that the loot is medicine which the locals sorely need.

Lund: You know, your coat is kinda a brownish color…
Mal: It was on sale.
Lund: You didn’t toast. You know, I’m thinkin’ you one of ‘em In’e’pen’ents.
Mal: And I’m thinkin’ you weren’t burdened with an overabundance of schooling. So why don’t we just ignore each other until we go away?
Lund: The In’e’pen’ents were a bunch of cowardly, inbred piss-pots. Should’ve been killed off of every world spinnin’.
Mal: Say that to my face.
Lund: I said you’re a coward and a piss-pot. Now what are you gonna do about it?
Mal: Nothing. I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you.

Inara: What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?
Mal: That it was manly and impulsive?
Inara: Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was, “Don’t.”

Jayne: You know what the chain of command is? It’s the chain I go get and beat you with ’til you understand who’s in ruttin’ command here! Now we’re finishing this deal, and then maybe, maybe we’ll come back for those morons… got themselves caught… and you can’t change that by getting all… bendy.
Wash: All what?
Jayne: You got the light… from the console to keep you… lifting you up… they shine like… little angels… [falls flat on the floor.]
Wash: Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?
Simon: I told him to sit down.

Sheriff Bourne: You were truthful back in town. These are tough times. A man can get a job, he might not look too close at what that job is. But a man learns all the details of a situation like ours… well… then he has a choice.
Mal: I don’t believe he does.

Mal: Now this is all the money Niska gave us in advance. You give it back to him, tell him the job didn’t work out. We’re not thieves… well, we are thieves, but the point is we’re not taking what’s his. We’ll stay out of his way as best we can from here on in. You’ll explain that’s best for everyone, okay?
Crow: Keep the money. Use it to buy a funeral. It doesn’t matter where you go, or how far you fly, I will hunt you down, and the last thing you see will be my blade.
Mal: Darn. [kicks Crow into Serenity’s engine intake. Cut to another henchman being placed before Mal]
Mal: Now this is all the money Niska gave us in advance—
Henchman: Oh, I get it! I’m good. Best thing for everybody. I’m right there with you.

Bushwhacked:
The crew of the Firelfy come upon a derelict ship, which turns out to be carrying a survivor of a Reaver attack. After being pulled aboard by an Alliance cruiser, the passenger escapes from their medbay and begins wreaking havoc.

Zoe: Proximity alert. Must be coming up on something.
Wash: Oh my god. What can it be? We’re all doomed! Who’s flying this thing!? Oh right, that would be me. Back to work.

Simon: Oh yes, he’s a real beast. [looks at Jayne] It’s a wonder you’re still alive.
Jayne: Looked bigger when I couldn’t see him.

Alliance Commander: You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?
Zoe: Fought with a lot of people in the war.
Alliance Commander: And your husband?
Zoe: Fight with him sometimes, too.

Mal: That poor bastard you took off my ship. He looked right into the face of it—was made to stare.
Harken: “It”?
Mal: That darkness. Kind of darkness you can’t even imagine. Blacker than the space it moves through.
Harken: Very poetic.
Mal: They made him watch. He probably tried to turn away, and they wouldn’t let him. You call him a survivor? He’s not. A man comes up against that kind of will, the only way to deal with it, I suspect, is to become it.

Shindig:
A formal ball takes place and Mal, Inara are both in attendance as part of a job. However, Mal bites off more than he can chew when he slugs a patron and is challenged to a sword fight.

(Mal shows Inara the money he stole from the slaver)
Inara: Mal!
Mal: Oh, terrible shame. ‘Course, they won’t discover it till they go order their next round of drinks.
Slaver: Wei.
Mal: Good drinker, that one.

Zoe: Planet’s coming up a mite fast.
Wash: That’s just ’cause— I’m going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all.
Mal: Well, that happens, let me know.

Badger: Course you couldn’t buy an invite with a diamond the size of a testicle. I’ve got my hands on a couple. [Mal and Jayne grin] Of invites!

Atherton: You belong here, Inara, not on that flying piece of go-se. You see that, don’t you?
Inara: Atherton, language.
Atherton: What? “Piece of go-se”? But it is a piece of go-se.
Major Domo: Miss Kaywinnet Lee Frye and escort.
Inara: Kaylee? [Kaylee enters with Mal] Oh, go-se.

[Mal is challenged to a duel]
Mal: Well why wait? Where’s that guard? He collected a whole mess of pistols.
Nobleman: If you require it, any gentleman here can give you use of a sword.
Mal: Use of a s-what?

Mal: Now, you taking on this job – being my second – does this mean we’re in business?
Sir Warwick Harrow: It means you’re in mortal danger. But you mussed up Atherton’s face, and that has endeared you to me somewhat.

Sir Warwick: You have to finish it, lad. [Mal doesn’t move] You have to finish it. For a man to lay beaten, yet breathing? It makes him a coward.
Inara: It’s humiliation.
Mal: It would be humiliating, having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. [lightly stabs Atherton] Guess I’m just a good man. [Stabs again] Well, I’m all right.

Safe:
During a routine cargo haul, Book is wounded in a firefight. Things are further complicated as River and Simon (the ship’s surgeon) are kidnapped by some local villagers.

Mal: So, she’s added cussing and hurling about of things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy.
Simon: It’s just a bad day.
Mal: No, a bad day is when someone’s yellin’ spooks the cattle. Understand? You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It’s kind of like a…a meat grinder. And it’ll lose us half the herd.
Simon: She hasn’t gone anywhere near the cattle.
Mal: No, but in case you hadn’t noticed, her voice kinda carries. We’re two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed.” (to River) “Although I would take it as a kindness if she didn’t.
River: The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.
Mal: See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like.

Zoe: You sanguine about the kind of reception we’re apt to receive on an Alliance ship, Cap’n?
Mal: Absolutely. What’s ‘sanguine’ mean?
Zoe:  ‘Sanguine’. Hopeful. Plus — point of interest — it also means ‘bloody’.
Mal: Well, that pretty much covers all the options, don’t it?

Jayne: [mock reading Simon’s journal] “Dear Diary…today I was pompous and my sister was crazy.” [flips page] “Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever.”

Mal: Y’all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? Now I’m not saying you weren’t easy to find but it was kinda out of our way, and he didn’t want to come in the first place. Man’s lookin’ to kill some folk. So really, it’s his will y’all should worry about thwarting.

Simon: So, finally a decent wound on this ship, and I miss out. I’m sorry.
Mal: Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.

Our Mrs. Reynolds:
After foiling some bandits on a remote colony, Mal is compensated with a rare gift… a new wife! However, she proves to be more than what she appears to be and betrays him and the crew to some salvagers, leaving Mal and the crew scurrying to save the ship.

Bandit: You gonna give us what’s due us. And every damn thing else on that boat. And I think maybe you gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus.
Jayne: Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.
Mal: How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?
Jayne: If I could make you prettier I would!
Mal: You are not the man I met a year ago!

Inara: So… explain to me again why Zoe wasn’t in the dress?
Mal: Tactics, woman. Needed her in the back. Besides, them soft cotton dresses feel kinda nice. There’s a whole… airflow.
Inara: And you’d know that because…?
Mal: You can’t open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I am a mystery.

Wash: Is there any more where that came from?
Saffron: I didn’t think to make enough for your friends… But everything’s laid out if you’d like to cook for your husband.
Wash: Z— heh-heh… Isn’t she quaint? I’m just not hungry.

Book: If you take sexual advantage of her, you’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.
Mal: Are you offering me a trade?
Jayne: A trade!? Hell, it’s theft! This is the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It’s miles more worthy than what you got.
Mal: What I got? She has a name.
Jayne: So does this! I call it Vera.
Mal: Well, my days of taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.

Saffron: But we’ve been wed. Aren’t… we to become one flesh?
Mal: Well, no, uh… we’re still two fleshes here, and… I think… that your flesh oughta… sleep somewhere else.
Saffron: I’m sorry. When we talked, I’d hoped, but I—
Mal: Whoa, hey! Flesh. Um… Saffron… i-it… it ain’t a question of pleasing me. It’s more a question of what’s…um… of what’s morally right.
Saffron: I do know my Bible, sir. [Recites a fictional bible verse] “On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow, and he shall work in her, in and again, till she bring him to his fall, and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast.”
Mal: Whoa. Good Bible.

Saffron: Do you know the myth of Earth-That-Was?
Wash: Not so much.
Saffron: That when she was born, she had no sky, and was open, inviting. And the stars would rush into her, through the skin of her…
Wash: Huh.
Saffron: …making the oceans boil with sensation. And when she could endure no more ecstasy, she puffed up her cheeks and blew out the sky.
Wash: Whoa. Good myth.

Saffron: Everybody plays each other. That’s all anybody ever does. We play parts.
Mal: You’ve got all kinds o’ learnin’ and you made me look the fool without even trying, yet here I am, with a gun to your head. That’s ’cause I got people with me. People who trust each other, who do for each other, and ain’t always lookin’ for the advantage.
Saffron: Promise me you’re gonna kill me soon.

Mal: So here’s where I’m fuzzy. You got by that girl, came and found me, and somehow you happen to just trip and fall.
Inara: What do you mean?
Mal: Come on, Inara. How’s about we don’t play. You didn’t just trip, did you?
Inara: No.
Mal: Well, isn’t that something… I knew you let her kiss you.

As this is going long, I shall be breaking it down into another two posts. That ought to be enough to cover the remaining episodes and the movie… maybe. No promises though, lot of good lines in this show ;)