Tag: captain picard

Of Invincible Aliens that were Easily Vanquished

warofworldsaliensIf there’s one thing that’s become an annoying cliche in commercial science fiction movies, and even some novels, it’s the idea of a super-advanced alien race that come to Earth, proceeds to kick ass, but then gets beaten by a ragtag bunch of superheroes by the most implausible means. You know what I’m talking about, the big evil monsters from another planet who seem to have armies, navies and nuclear arsenals beat, but then succumb to germs, basic hacking, and inferior weaponry.

Having grown up with a lot of bad science fiction, I could name a few titles from my childhood which, looking back, kind of insulted my intelligence. But as I’ve gotten older, the list has grown and expanded. And I really thought it was time I did a list that presents all of the bad stories, movies and television arcs that I’ve witnessed over the years, the ones that extra-terrestrial would definitely get a kick out of if ever they saw them. Hopefully, they wouldn’t conclude we humans actually think like this, and hence would be that much easier to conquer!

And here they are, in order of awfulness. The list of incompetent alien invaders!

1. Battlefield Earth:
battlefieldearthI start with this movie for obvious reasons. As far as logic and plot development were concerned, this movie could not have been more insulting to aliens! Not only was their own ineptitude galactic in proportions, but it flew in the face of everything we were told during the first half of the movie (or quarter of the book). Yes, L. Ron Hubbard (the inventor of Scientology) isn’t exactly known for being the most rational of human beings, but even he was out to lunch on this one!

For starters, it is established early on that the Psychlos – an alien civilization of clawed Rastafarians – have conquered Earth by the year 3000. But in the course of the story, we learn through the main character that it was extremely easy for them to do it. Using their superior technology, Earth’s armies, navies and air forces fell to the invasion after a mere 9 minutes! That’s quite the ass-whooping!

And yet, a group of tribal kinsmen are able to not only defeat the occupying Psychlos, but destroy their entire homeworld in the course of an uprising. How, you might ask? Well, as it turns out, Terl, the governor of Earth – played by director and Hubbard acolyte John Travolta – facilitated it all by giving Johnny Goodboy Tyler (the protagonist of the story) all the lucrative info on their race so he could become a foreman for a private gold mining operation, but in turn used it to train a resistance.

In the course of so doing, Tyler was able to trick Terl into accepting gold from Fort Knox, where he used 1000-year old simulators to train his ragtag misfits in how to use equally old Harriers, missiles, and even a nuke, which they then teleportedto the Psychlo home planet in the midst of their rebellion. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that the Psychlos atmosphere ignites when it comes into contact with radiation? Yeah, that’s kind of important, because it resulted in the full-scale destruction of their home world!

Ignoring for a fact that the physics of this makes absolutely no sense, Hubbard’s tale basically asserts that by relying on the same technology that couldn’t last ten minutes against a bunch of alien invaders in the first place, a bunch of hill people did what ever army on Earth could not and killed off a far more advanced species. How did these Psychlos conquer Earth in the first place? They are not only breathe air that’s the equivalent of dry tinder of gasoline, they’re dumber than dirt!

2. Independence Day:
independence_day-207756Here we have another instance where audiences were presented with an alien menace that appeared unassailable in the first act of the movie, but then proved to be total pushovers. As the first Roland Emmerich disaster flick to grace the silver screen in America, this movie made a ton of money and set the arc for Emmerich’s career. Fun and silly, it sucked as far as realism and suspension of disbelief were concerned. For me, what endures about this movie is how fun it is to make fun of!

Basically, the aliens come to Earth in a massive mothership that begins deploying smaller motherships across the globe. Using our own satellites to sync up, they begin a countdown to Armageddon and start blowing up every major city on the planet. The only person who seems to notice the countdown ahead if time is a lone cable repair man, and not the NSA, CIA, MI6 or any other covert spy agency on the planet!

All counter-attacks fail, as it seems the alien ships have shields – these big green walls that protect them from our missiles. Nukes are even useless against them. All hope seems lost until, contained within Area 51, this same cable man comes up with an idea… He’s going to download a virus to the alien mothership using his Macbook and set off a nuke inside it. With the help of a fighter pilot who seems oddly and suddenly qualified to fly a captured alien ship, they fly into space, make it aboard the mothership, and begin their hack job.

And while the alien’s shields are down, what remains of Earth’s air forces mount a counter-attack that goes off quite well. It seems that without their shields, the alien fighters are a bunch of total wimps! And the smaller motherships, all you got to do is find a alcoholic, traumatized crop duster to fly a plane up their main gun shaft and the whole thing will blow up! Oh, and the hacker team, they make it out before the nuke goes off and somehow crashland without dying. Hurray for xenocide!

So basically, our species was on the verge of being exterminated, only to be saved by a cable man, a NASA reject, and a drunken crop duster with PTSD. Brent Spiner was right, it WAS just a matter of getting around their technology! And how easy was that? Yeah, they got interstellar spaceships, laser beams and shields, but the bastards can’t even erect a firewall to stop a single hacker? And speaking of those laser beams, turns out all you got to do is stick your finger in the barrel and the whole ship will blow up!

3. Battle: Los Angeles
Battle_Los_Angeles_PosterHere we have another instance where aliens attack, manage to do untold amounts of damage, but then seem to succumb when a small band of heroes come together and put their minds to the task of beating them. And in this case, the aliens didn’t even really have an Achilles heel. They just seemed to become beatable once the Marines figured out their physiology, technology and basic tactics, which was surprisingly easy…

It’s almost summer in LA, and a grizzled veteran who’s traumatized over the recent loss of his platoon is about to quit the service. But of course, hostile aliens land off the coast and throw a wrench in his retirement plans! And instead, he is deployed to the city to defend against the first wave of the assault, and is quickly trapped with what remains of his platoon behind the enemy’s lines.

There, they begin to figure out the enemy. This consists of first performing a recreational autopsy on one to find out how to kill it. Turns out all you have to do is shoot them “to the right of the heart”. So, in the chest then? No wonder all the other soldiers couldn’t kill them! They were aiming for the groin! Fleeing with some civilians in tow, they also systematically discover all their other weaknesses…

This includes the fact that the alien airdrones are drawn to their radio transmissions and that all their drones are controlled by some central command module. After realizing they are on their own because the Air Force aint coming, they divert to find the module and then destroy it. All the alien drones are deactivated, the Marines are rescued, and a counter-attack is now underway to clear the last of them. But of course, the Marines refuse to sit this one out and selflessly volunteer to go back in…

So the lesson here is, when entire armies fail and fall back, its a small group of heroes that will save the day. Not bad, but how is it a bunch of grunts in the field are able to figure out how an enemy arsenal works while the higher ups basically have their thumbs up their asses the whole time? Funny how that always seems to be the case!

And sure, I get that the leader of these heroes would be a scarred man seeking redemption, but are we to believe that a man who lost his entire platoon to insurgents would have no trouble leading a handful of people to victory over a far more advanced alien species? Something just doesn’t add up here…

4. Signs:
Signs_movieposterI remember the days when M. Night Shyamalan was considered a big deal, and not some dude past his prime who made a string of critically-panned movies. Yes, in addition to being hellbent on starring in his own films and using material that seemed marginal (comic book heroes, monsters, aliens and ghosts), he also seemed to have a real hard on for stories that were full of holes!

And this movie was no exception, adding to an already rich tradition of scary aliens who don’t seem to have a clue when it comes to conquering planet Earth. The story starts out clear enough, with “signs” of an impending invasion by alien beings. And of course, the heroes here are a single family made up of people strangely qualified to defeat them – a priest who’s lost his faith after losing his wife, a psychic daughter, an asthmatic son, and former baseball player who swings at everything.

When the aliens show up, it turns out his dying wife’s words were a prophecy on how to beat back in the invasion. First, hit them in the head with a bat, they hate that! Then, rely on your sons asthma to prevent him from inhaling their toxic vapors. And finally, realize your daughter’s desire to keep glasses of water around the house are a defensive mechanism, since water is toxic to them.

Really? So these things can travel light years to our planet for the sake of terrorizing and killing us, but are vulnerable to a blows in the head from a blunt object and a liquid that covers 70% of our planet and permeates the air. What kind of invaders are these? Are these the same ones who were defeated in the Simpsons by a “board with a nail?”

Also, did they not notice ahead of time that the most basic element, next to the air itself, was fatal to them? What is it with alien invaders not doing their due diligence? How is it that we here on Earth are able to notice lakes of sulfuric acid on Venus, despite having never landed there, but aliens can’t notice the equivalent on a planet they are actively invading? Kang, Kodos… get off our planet!

5. Battleship:
Battleship_PosterNext up, we have the movie that dared to ask the age old question: “what do you get if you cross Transformers with Independence Day?” The answer being, the same old story of unlikely heroes beating an alien menace, but with a twist! This one is set at sea. And if that wasn’t enough, it also stars Rihanna, who proved once again that there are some singers who should stick to what they’re good at and avoid crossing over!

And much like in Battle: LA, we once again have aliens landing in the sea and wreaking havoc on nearby city – this time in Honolulu. After trapping and destroying the US and Japanese naval ships in the vicinity, the alien ships take control of the communications array on the nearby island of Oahu. A single vessel, captained by a LT after his brother (the Captain) is killed, manages to survive and continues the fight…

This includes the US naval ship taking out two of the alien ships and capturing an alien to learn that they are vulnerable to sunlight. On land, a veteran and quadruple amputee in recovery also figures out what the aliens are doing with the array. Apparently, they are using it to summon more of their ships to Earth. So on land and at sea, we have unlikely heroes who begin unraveling the aliens’ plans.

Using the aliens rather pedestrian weakness to their advantage, the US naval ships manage to blind the last of the smaller alien ships with sunlight and destroy it. However, it too is sunk, but they manages to survive and gets back to base to commandeer the USS Missouri, the last remaining US Battleship in existence. Bringing her out of retirement, they use her big guns to take out the alien ships shields, allowing the Air Force to finish her off.

Following this, the Lieutenant is promoted and given a ship of his own to command. Him and Rihanna also arrange to get married. Hurray! Planet Earth is saved and everybody’s getting laid! And once again, it seems that if you’re a reluctant hero, or you’ve got vengeance on your mind, you can beat the odds and overcome a vastly superior alien foe. Never mind that a small fleet was useless against this enemy, or that your vessel is dangerously out of date even by Earth standards!

6. The Borg (Star Trek: TNG):
borgsHere we have a truly chilling and frightening alien menace that started out as a credible threat, but quickly degenerated into a nuisance that was eventually beaten through some unlikely twists! I can still remember when the Borg were first presented in the second and third season of TNG, just how tough and scary they seemed! How they went from this from the clumsy, easily-fooled menace led by a “Queen” towards the end is a mystery…

As Guinan said during their introductory episode, the Borg are a collective “made up of organic and artificial life which has been developing for thousands of centuries.” In addition to being virtually indestructible and entirely collectivized, they are hellbent on assimilating all known lifeforms and technology they come across. This makes them an inevitable threat, one which Q believes they are unprepared to face.

Borg_qwhoHence, he arranges for a little face-to-face between them and the Enterprise, and it doesn’t go too well. In addition to finding that their weapons are virtually ineffective against a Borg ship, they also learn that these ships are capable of healing from battle damage, are faster and far more coordinated than their own; and most importantly, that they are crewed by a relentless enemy. They narrowly survive, and only because of Q’s intervention.

Their second confrontation happens shortly thereafter, when a Borg Cube is dispatched to Federation space to begin assimilating them. After an initial encounter with the vessel, Picard is captured and assimilated. The crew learns that he is now part of the Borg and that his knowledge has been absorbed. As the Borg vessel begins advancing on Earth, the Federation loses 39 ships in an attempt to stop it.

lucutusIn the end, they manage to stop it by recapturing the Captain, tapping into the Borg neural net, and commanding them to go to sleep. The Borg ship self-destructs, realizing their collective has been intruded and they are vulnerable. It is for this reason, and this reason alone, that humanity survives its first engagement with the Borg and lives to fight another day. Scary stuff, and doesn’t bode too well for the future!

Immediately thereafter, the Borg ceases to become a serious threat. Not appearing again until the end of Season 5, at which point Roddenberry had died, the Enterprise discovers a single stranded Borg and rescue him, plotting to return him to the collective carrying a virus. However, they soon realize the lone Borg, who’ve they’ve humanized by naming him “Hugh”, is no longer a Borg per se, and cannot commit to the plan. Instead, they learn that Hugh’s individuality have spread throughout the collective, causing chaos.

borg_queenThereafter, the Borg made no real appearance in the series until the spinoff series Voyager, where they make numerous appearances before being vanquished. First, they are shown to be fighting a losing war against beings from a parallel dimension where space is fluid and technology is organic in nature. The Voyager crew assists the collective against this common threat, and gains 7 of 9 as a crewmember.

In subsequent episodes and seasons, Voyager wages a one-ship war with the collective as they flee back to Federation space. They manage to outwit the Borg Queen (weren’t they supposed to be a collective?) time after time, stealing a trans warp coil from her, saving a group of resistance fighters from the collective’s grasp, and coordinating their efforts with a future Janeway to not only make it home, but crash the entire collective with a virus.

From invincible enemy that spoke with one voice, to a bunch of dumb drones led by a megalomaniacal queen that made deals and was easily tricked, the Borg was a truly awesome concept that degenerated into a sort “Evil the Cat” that became all-too-human. Ironic, and quite disappointing really. Much like many elements of the show, this was one of Roddenberry’s babies that seemed to suffer in his successor’s hands.

7. The Day of the Triffids:
DayofthetriffidsAlthough based on a novel that ended quite differently, the film adaptation of this novel has gone down in history as a case of aliens that seemed so menacing, but proved to be very dumb. Written by John Wyndham, the author that brought us The Chrysalids, the story considers the possibility of an alien invasion that doesn’t involve tripods, motherships or little green men armed with ray guns.

No, in the end, Windham’s invasion was much more subtle, patient, and far more effective. It begins when the triffids, a race of seemingly intelligent, aggressive plants that begin popping up all over the world. Initially thought to be the result of bioengineering within the USSR (a possible commentary on Lysenkoism), the venomous plants are soon revealed to be the first wave in an alien invasion.

After being blinded by contact with one of the plants, the main character awakens in the hospital to find it deserted. He begins to walk through the streets of London, apparently surrounded by other blind people. He soon comes upon a group of people who still have their sight and are planning on establishing a colony to repopulate the human race.

In time, it is made clear that the triffids are causing the environment to change, effectively terraforming Earth to become more like the alien environment they are used to. They continue to advance and eventually surround the small home the main characters make for themselves. But at the same time, the main characters learns that a colony has been formed on the Isle of Wight, which is removed from the infestation, where people are attempting to continue the fight.

In creating this story, Wydnham acknowledged a great debt to H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds; though in this novel, the aliens are not foiled. However, in the film adaptation of the novel, the triffids are eventually foiled by a very likely source: salt water! Yes, it seems that an invasive species chose to attack a planet where the majority of the surface is covered by something entirely poisonous to them.

Little wonder then why Shyamalan chose water as his aliens’ weakness. He was ripping off a classic movie! Too bad it was an unfaithful adaptation of the original novel. He could have avoided making one of several bad movies!

8. The War of the Worlds:
waroftheworldsWe come to it at last, the original story that inspired an entire slew of classic alien invasion tales. Written in 1895-97, H.G. Wells’ The War of the Worlds not only introduced the world to the concept of a “Martian invasion”, it set the tone for all subsequent generations of paranoia and fear regarding extra-terrestrial life. This was not an intended consequences of his work, mind you, just a side-effect of what was arguably a brilliant novel.

Told from a first-person point of view, the story follows a philosophically-inclined author who witnesses the invasion firsthand. It all begins shortly after an observatory notes the appearance of several “explosions’ on the surface of Mars. Shortly thereafter, the narrator is one of many people to notice the arrival of a meteor which turns out to be a large cylinder. When the cylinder opens, disgorging tripods that begin incinerating everything with heat rays.

War-of-the-worlds-tripodMore cylinders begin falling all over Southern England, laying waste to military units and communities. After meeting up with an artilleryman, the narrator finds out that he has become cut off from his wife, and reroutes to try and find her. People begin to evacuate London, and British forces are able to bring down some of the tripods, but eventually, all organized resistance ceases.

In their wake, the Martian begin to unleash a species known as Red Weed, a native martian plant that begins altering the Earth’s ecology. Of the narrator’s companions, a curate and the artilleryman, the former comes to see the invasion as a herald of the Apocalypse, while the latter begins to advocate that humanity rebuild civilization underground. He eventually leaves both behind and returns to London, where he finds the aliens dead due to infectious disease.

At once brilliant and original, Wells story has undergone extensive scrutiny over the years. It’s plot and thematic makeup have led many critics to wonder what its central message was, whether it was meant as a sort of cautionary tale, an historical allusion, or an indictment on British colonial policy. As part of the larger trend of invasion literature, there were also many who thought that the aliens represented an actual enemy (i.e. Germany), and the point was merely to stoke fears about the possibility of an actual world war.

Summary:
In the end, it seems pretty obvious that when it comes to alien invasion stories and movies, everyone is picking at the crumbs from Wells’ table. As one of the first stories involving war between humanity and extra-terrestrials, it was also the first to introduce the world to the concept of a seemingly unassailable alien menace that was brought down because of an Achilles heel.

And without fail, it now seems like just about every purveyor of science fiction has followed in his footsteps. Whether it’s Verhoeven’s disaster porn, classic B-movie adaptations, new generations of speculative sci-fi novels, or mainstream TV shows, the concept of a fearsome, super-advanced species that initially has the edge on humanity, only to be foiled by superior… whatever, is destined to be all the rage!

And much like Wells War, one can’t help but wonder about the psychology and deeper sociological implications of that. Do such ideas remain popular with us as part an enduring xenophobic tendency, or are they part of some deeper destructive impulse, where we just love to see civilization as we know reduced to ashes? In some respects, you might say this a healthy sublimation of that desire, where we allow others to do what we secretly desire, right before we pay them back in full!

I’m thinking this is getting a little too intellectual given the subject matter I started with. This was supposed to about clueless aliens and how these stories and film parody them. Once again, I sincerely hope that if there are aliens out there who are able to listen in on our radio, television and movie transmissions, that they take all of this entertainment with a massive grain of salt.

I think I speak for all of humanity when I say we don’t need no invasions anytime soon! Come back after we’ve developed our own death rays!

Now here's an alien that doesn't go die so easily!
Now here’s an alien that isn’t defeated so easily!

Top 15 Things You’ll Never Hear a Geek Say

white-and-nerdyThis really doesn’t happen, but it seems I gave myself an idea with that last post. And to think it all came of an inappropriate joke! Essentially, I began to joke about the kinds of things geeks never say and even listed a few. And it got me thinking, one thing this blog has been missing up until now is a top ten list of things you’ll never hear a geek say. Well, I tried to limit myself to ten, but it was impossible. And so I expanded it a little to incorporate just a few more. I know, top 15 lists aren’t as impressive, but what can you do? Sometimes, you just gotta be inclusive!

Oh, and word of warning, if you’re not a fan of inappropriate jokes, back yourselves up now because you don’t want to see some of the things I’ve written here. As a self-professed geek, I can say these things, but rest assured, my test audience (my wife) didn’t exactly react well 😉 You’ve been warned! Anyhoo, here they are, the top 15 things geeks never say, in ascending order:

15. “Jane Austin is a far superior writer to Ursula K. Le Guin”

14. “I would have liked to have seen less cleavage and more character development from 7 of 9” (substitute any female lead from Star Trek)

13. “The blue chick from Avatar was so not hot”

12. “George R.R. Martin didn’t hit his stride until the third book”

11. “There’s no way I’m paying 50 bucks for a video game!”

10. “I can see no difference between Captain Kirk and Picard”

9. “Blade Runner totally needs to be remade”

8. “I have no strong opinions either way on the remake”

7. “They made a show called The Big Bang Theory?”

6. “I didn’t see the new Star Trek movie, but I hear it’s good.”

5. “Frank Herbert would be so proud of what’s become of the Dune franchise”

4. “You’ll never catch me jerking off to anime!”

3. “The prequels are just as good as the original”

2. “The movie was just as good as the book”

1. “George Lucas didn’t rape my childhood!”

And I’m still thinking of some doozies! Oh well, maybe this can become a thing, but only top 10 lists from now on. 15 at a time is not a pace I foresee being able to keep up for long. Until next time, geek out, get your geek on, and keep on geeking in the free world! Have I found enough ways to work that into a cliched saying?

Worlds of Star Trek

In honor of the other sci-fi franchises I’ve covered in my “Worlds Of” series, which includes my own (shameless!), I’ve decided to throw some credit and attention Gene Rodenberry’s way. His Star Trek franchise is not only one of the most popular science fiction franchise of all time, it’s also hailed as one of the most detailed and in depth, owning to many years of existence and countless contributing minds. And so, here’s my list of the franchises hot spots, in alphabetical order:

Bajor:
The homeworld of the Bajoran people and situated near the Bajoran Wormhole, this planet and the system are the setting for the spinoff series DS9. Throughout the series, many details are given about the Bajoran’s culture, history and people, most of which revolve around the occupation of their planet by the Cardassian Empire and their worship of “The Prophets” (aka. the wormhole aliens).

At one time, Bajor was the home of one the oldest civilizations in the Alpha Quadrant, characterized by art, poetry, and a caste system where the priestly caste were at the top. During the occupation of Bajor, which last fifty years, the Cardassians murdered millions of inhabitants, destroyed much of their infrastructure and even poisoned large tracts of land. To mark the occupation, they built a large space station named Terok Nor in orbit.

In order to fight against the occupation, the Bajorans abandoned the caste system so that everyone could become fighters. After fifty years, the Cardassian government chose to cut its losses and abandoned the world. The Bajorans took control of Terok Nor shortly thereafter, the provisional government invited the federation to take control of it, and it was renamed Deep Space 9. After the discovery of the wormhole, Commander Sisko ordered the station to relocate to guard the entrance.

It was learned shortly thereafter that the wormhole was an artificial phenomena that connected the Alpha Quadrant to the other side of the Milky Way Galaxy (the Gamma Quadrant), and was inhabited by a race of super-evolved beings that had made contact with the Bajorans in the past. Because these beings were non-corporeal and had no concept of time, they were named “The Prophets”, mainly because of their ability to see into the future.

When the Dominion was discovered on the other side of the wormhole, Bajor would become the front lines in the Alpha Quadrant alliance’s war against them. During the course of this war, DS9 would become occupied by the Cardassian-Dominion alliance. Before abandoning the station, Sisko and the crew of DS9 made sure that the entrance to the wormhole was mined so as it ensure that the Dominion could not bring in reinforcements. Due to the articles of the Bajoran treaty with the Dominion, Cardassian forces were also forbidden from occupying the planet again. As a result, Bajor would remain free until the Federation and its allies retook the station a year later and once again controlled entrance to the wormhole.

Betazed:
Home to the telepathic race known as the Betazoids, this planet is a member of the Federation and a major contributor to its ranks, particularly in the field of diplomacy and counseling services. Deanna Troi and her mother, Lwaxana, both call this planet home, as do many other secondary characters in the TNG and spinoff series’.

In the course of the TNG series, many aspects of Betazoid culture are made clear. For one, the planet appears to have a semi-matriarchal culture, where the eldest woman of the family holds the title for the house and all its honors. This was particularly true of Lwaxana, who in addition to being a decorated diplomat, was named “daughter of the Fifth House, holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed”.

The planet was mentioned many times in the TNG series, usually in conjunction with the Enterprise’s many contacts with Lwaxana. During the Dominion War, Betazed was occupied for a brief time when Dominion forces caught the local fleet off guard. This development is what prompted Sisko to attempt a rapprochement with Romulan forces to bring them into the war.

Cardassia Prime:
Also known simply as Cardassia, this world is home to the Cardassian people and the seat of power for the Cardassian Union. Based on the many descriptions from DS9, Cardassia is apparently a warm, humid environment that favors reptilian creatures, which is apparently the basis of Cardassian biology.

Prior tot he militarization of their culture, Cardassia was home to thriving civilization that produced renowned works of art and architecture. However, the civilization soon fell into severe decline and decay, resulting in mass starvation. As a result, martial law was declared and the foundations for the Cardassian government were laid.

This consisted of the Central Command on the one hand, which controlled the military, and the Obsidian Order which acted as the secret police. Between the two was the relatively impotent civilian government which exercise little real power, but which occasionally was called upon to enact policy which Command knew would be unpopular. One such decision was the removal of Cardassian forces from Bajor after 50 years of unsuccessful occupation.

Cardassia was the first to ally themselves with the Dominion after their discovery in the Gamma Quadrant. This was after a disastrous war with the Klingon Empire, which the Dominion instigated through one of their shape-shifter replacement of General Martok. As a result, Cardassia Prime would remain occupied by Dominion forces for many years, until the arrival of Allied forces and the defection of the Cardassian military. In retaliation, the Dominion ordered the destruction of the Cardassian people, and over 800 million perished before the Founder officially surrendered.

Earth:
In the original series, TNG, DS9, and other spinoffs, much is made of how life has improved on Earth since the late 20th century. Though we don’t get to see much of it beyond San Francisco or Paris, it remains one of the most important planets in the Star Trek universe. As the seat of the Federation, it was the home of the Federation Council and of the office of the Federation President, and serving as the central headquarters of Starfleet.

In addition, Starfleet Academy is located in San Fransisco, just in view of the Golden Gate Bridge. It was here that all characters in the franchise received their education and commission as officers. Between Kirk, Picard, Sisko and Janeway, many stories are told of memorable and nostalgic incidents, and all allude to rather trying curriculum in which their abilities and aptitude were strenuously tested.

In the course of the original series, TNG and DS9, several major events are alluded to which had a drastic effect on Earth and the human race. These include the “Eugenics War” of the late 20th century, where genetically-modified human beings attempted to take over the planet. This ended when the last of the modified humans, under the leadership of Khan Noonien Soong, fled aboard the spaceship Botany Bay. During the early 22nd century, Earth was devastated in what was referred to as the “Atomic Horror”. This causes the destruction of most major cities, 600 million deaths, and the emergence of totalitarian regimes.

However, all that appeared to have changed with the development of the warp engine by doctor Zefram Cochrane and First Contact. Thereafter, Earth became united in the goal of reaching the stars and building a better future. Starfleet was created to acheive this goal, and the United Federation of Planets established between the Vulcans and humanity, and many subsequent races thereafter. Beyond that, not much is specified about Earth of the 23rd and 24th century, other than saying that it is a “paradise” where no crime, hunger, war, or poverty exist.

Ferenginar:
Wet, mucky, swampy, and perennially rainy, this moldy planet is home to the enterprising race known as the Ferengi. The seat of power for the Ferengi Alliance, it is also the home of the Tower of Commerce, the Sacred Marketplace, and the Ferengi Commerce Authority, the ruling body of their species.

Though it was never shown in TNG, Ferenginar makes a few appearances in the DS9 series. Here, it is depicted as a rainy, wet and extremely humid place where most people live in low-domed structures. In the capitol, the majority of architecture consists of these types of dwellings, expect of course for the central spire of the Tower of Commerce, where the Authority is centered.

The leader of the Ferengi people is known as the Grand Nagus, the head of all commerce for the Ferengi and the leader of the Authority. In addition to the sacred text, “The Rules of Acquisition”, the Ferengi are governed by the Bill of Opportunities, a quasi-constitution which sets out the rights of individual citizens. These revolve mainly around the right to own a business and make a profit, provided they don’t violate any of the sacred Rules or the regulations of the Commerce Authority.

Though women have traditionally had no rights under the law, amendments made by Grand Nagus Sek during the course of the DS9 series granted them the right to wear clothes and make profits. A ruling council was also established to pass several sweeping social reforms, which including the imposition of taxes, social programs, and laws banning monopolies and the mistreatment of workers. According to expanded universe sources, over 78 billion Ferengi live on their homeworld, and the civilization has been warp capable for some time.

Qon’oS:
The home of the Klingon people and seat of the Klingon High Council, the ruling body of their Empire. Though very little information was given about this planet in the original series, it appeared repeatedly in TNG and subsequent spinoffs, and was mentioned repeatedly in relation to the character of Worf and the Federation’s dealings with the High Council.

Due to the prolonged state of tension between the Klingon Empire and the Federation, very little was known about this world until the late 23rd century, when the destruction of its mining moon of Praxis forced the Klingons to sign the First Khitomer Accord with the Federation.

However, it was not until Khitomer Massacre, where Romulan forces commited a sneak attack on the Klingon delegation, that an alliance was formed between the Federation and Klingon Empire. This was apparently due to the fact that the Enterprise C responded to the Klingon’s distress signal and was destroyed while attempting to defend the colony against four warbirds. Thereafter, the Klingons became convinced of the Federation’s honorable nature and committed to a joint-defense pact.

It is often been suggested that the Qon’oS of the original series is not the same planet as that of the Next Generations. This is because of events in the movie The Undiscovered Country, where  the evacuation of Qon’oS became necessary because of the destruction of Praxis. Though it was never made clear if Qon’oS was simply established on another world or was somehow saved with the help of the Federation, the name of their homeworld remains the same even if the locations has changed.

Risa:
Originally a dismal, rain-soaked and geologically unstable environment, the native Risans have managed to transform their world into the pleasure capitol of the known universe. This was accomplished with weather control satellites, seismic regulators, and ecological engineering, all of which resulted in a planet wide paradise that is known throughout the quadrant.

Noted for its vast beach resorts and tropical climate, Risa’s greatest attraction lies in the open sexuality of its population. Identified by a decorative emblem between their eyes, Risians often initiate or respond to the desire for sexual relations through the use of a small statuette called a horga’hn, the Risian symbol of sexuality or fertility.

As was made clear to Captain Picard during his first visit, to own a horga’hn is to call forth its pleasures. To display one is to announce that the owner wishes to participate in jamaharon, a Risian sexual rite. Riker has apparently visited the planet many times, and often relates why its his favorite vacation spot in the galaxy.While Picard was on leave, he also discovered the local of the Tox Uthat, a 27th century weapon which had was hidden on Risa and passed into local legend.

The crew of DS9 also went to Risa during shore leave, during which time a group of extremists planned to sieze the planet to demonstrate how the Federation was not prepared to deal with the threats facing it. In the course of the visit, it was also revealed that Dax’s former host, Curzon, died there as a result of engaging in jamaharon. Death by pleasure. No wonder the place is so popular!

Romulus:
Along with its sister-planet Remus, Romulus is the home of the Romulan species and the seat of power for the Romulan Star Empire. Settlement of this planet took place in 4th century by Earth standards, when Vulcan colonists discovered it at the end of a long exodus. Shortly thereafter, the Vulcan society changed with the strict institution of logic and repression of emotion.

As a result, Romulans society bears little resemblance to their Vulcan forebears, though they are genetically related. Known for their arrogance and innate sense of superiority, the Romulans are one of the dominant powers in the galaxy, located in the Beta Quadrant adjoining Klingon and Cardassian Space. Because of this strategic location, they have been involved in skirmishes with virtually every civilization that borders there own.

The planet is the home of the Romulan Hall of State and the Imperial Romulan Senate. In the TNG series, Picard and Data also traveled here seeking Ambassador Spock. After finding him, they discovered that his presence was part of an effort known as “Reunification”, a movement between Romulans and Vulcans who wanted their worlds to come together again after centuries of being apart. During the Dominion War, the planet also hosted a Federation Alliance Conference to help them plan strategy and address wartime concerns.

Additional events took place in the franchise’s movies, particularly the TNG movie Nemesis and the JJ Abrams Star Trek relaunch. In the former, Romulus became the focal of a plot by Reman agents, led by a Picard clone, to take over the Romulan government and incite a war with the Federation. In the latter, Spock indicates that in 2387, a supernova destroyed Romulus before he could contain it using a “red matter” singularity device.

Vulcan:
The homeworld of the Vulcan race, the birthplace of their philosophy, and the center of their star-faring civilization. Noted for its higher than normal gravity and thinner atmosphere, the climate of this planet had much to do with fact that the Vulcan race, in their primordial form, are physically very strong, fast, and quite aggressive.

Much is mentioned of the history of Vulcan in the original series, TNG, and the various spinoff. After contact with Earth, it became one of the major worlds of the Federation and home to several key installations. In addition, many key events took here in the expanded franchise because of its importance in the Star Trek universe as the homeworld of Spock.

During the original series, Spock was summoned back to his homeworld to take part in the ritual of Pon farr, where he ended up Kirk to the death for the honor of his less-than-honorable betrothed. During the movie Search for Spock, the crew was forced to come to Vulcan aboard a captured Klingon vessel so that Spock’s regenerated body could be reunited with his consciousness.  This ritual, known as fal tor pan and conducted on Mount Seleya, was successful in restoring Spock’s mind, which had previously been sojourning in Dr. McCoy’s head.

In the TNG series, some details are given about Vulcan’s prehistory, before the adoption of logic and the repression of emotions. This period, known as the “Time of Awakening” was marked by civil war between several different factions, and even involved the use of nuclear and psionic weapons. One of these weapons, known as the Stone of Gol, survived the wars and was being sought by a Romulan agent posing as a Vulcan.

In the relaunch movie, Vulcan was a key setting, mainly in relation to Spock’s upbringing and his decision to join Starfleet rather than the Vulcan Science Academy. It is was later destroyed when Nero, the Romulan Captain of the Narada, used the red matter device to trigger an artificial singularity at the center of the planet. Because of these events, the Vulcan race has become an endangered species in this alternate timeline, though resettlement efforts did begin in earnest by the end.

Alright, that’s Star Trek done. Now that I’ve covered this franchise, Star Wars, Dune, and even my own, there’s only one or two left that I think deserve mention. The first is the Firely universe, which I’ve already talked about at length. And then there’s the Babylon 5 universe, which I’ve talked about WAY more! Like to the point of nausea, tedium, and even boring myself! But if people are even the slightest bit interested, I’d be happy to cover them. Just give me a week or two to decompress… all this writing about fictional planets has got me nerded out!