The True North: Strong and Zombie Free!

"Cerrrrveaux!" said the Quebecois zombie
“Cerrrrveaux!” said the Quebecois zombie

Last Wednesday, during question period in the House of Commons here in Canada, a rare and interesting thing occurred. It came when in response to a disaster relief scenario, Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird assured the House of Commons that Canada remains a zombie-free zone. One has to wonder if he was holding something back though, like maybe it remains free for the time being, as in, that could change soon?

For some time now, governments and health agencies around the world have been using zombies as a way of teaching about disaster preparedness and disease control. So the fact that it is now making its way into mainstream politics shouldn’t come as a surprise. The exchange began when Winnipeg New Democrat Pat Martin raised the matter of a recent Quebec government disaster planning exercise that used B-movie templates of an invasion of the “living dead” as its premise.

zombies_houseofcommonsTongue planted firmly in cheek, Martin said “I don’t need to tell you, Mr. Speaker, that zombies don’t recognize borders.” He then went to ask if the foreign minister was working with our American partners “to develop an international zombie strategy so that a zombie invasion does not turn into a zombie apocalypse?”

Baird, in an equally cheeky manner, responded by saying he was “dead-icated” to the matter, and that “Under the leadership of this prime minister, Canada will never become a safe haven for zombies, ever.” And steering back to a conventional conservative talking point, he was sure to add that the NDP’s fictional carbon tax would raise the cost of zombie-related emergency provisions —including monster trucks — for all Canadians.

zombies_huntingNaturally, the exchange became an immediate hit on Twitter and other social media, with one user suggesting we check the Senate for any sign of zombies. Ha! And personally, I’d say that if a zombie outbreak had to happen, it out to take place in the Great White North because Canada would be prepared. Not only does this country have a plethora of firearms and a long tradition of hunting, we would be sure to regulate the process and make sure it was done right.

What’s more, our universal health care would be on hand to ensure that everyone still uninfected was tended to, and those that got bit were mercifully quarantined. We may be hunters and gun enthusiasts, but were not impolite! And if we didn’t succeed in killing all the zombies before summer was out, we could just sit back and let the cold weather take care of them.

zombies_canhunterBoy its good to know these people get paid the wages they do to discuss this sort of stuff doesn’t it? I feel safer already! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go stockpile canned goods and ammunition…


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