Honest Trailers: Captain American – The Winter Soldier

https://i1.wp.com/i.vimeocdn.com/video/486194716_640.jpgHere is one of the latest from Screen Junkies’ “Honest Trailers”. And the funny thing is, it really makes me want to see it! But of course, it wouldn’t be HT if they didn’t mock a little bit, and the plot holes they identified are pretty well true. Much like with Iron Man 3, this movie begs the question “Where the hell are the rest of the Avengers?” Come to think of it, why do you even need other superheroes when some are already nigh-invulnerable?

But you know you shouldn’t ask such questions, because then you’d be treading on well-trod Batman vs. Superman territory. Too soon! One thing I will contest from the video though is where they say “your least favorite Avenger”. Everybody knows that’s Hawkeye! Not only is his superpower archery, he spent half the movie as the villain’s pawn, and the other half… well, shooting arrows.

I kid, of course. What else can you do when it comes to blockbusters that make more money than you will ever see in your life? Enjoy the trailer:

The Starving Games

kinopoisk.ruJust learned this little gem is available for watching online. It’s called the The Starving Games, a not-so-subtly named satirical take on The Hunger Games. In addition to spoofing that sci-fi, dystopian YA hit, they also tackled franchises like The Avengers, Harry Potter and Oz the Great and Powerful to pop culture characters and celebrities like Taylor Swift, PSY, LMFAO and Honey Boo Boo.

Directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the people who brought us Spy Hard, Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, and Vampires Suck, this movie promises to be entertaining for people who don’t mind seeing popular franchises being slammed, and don’t care much about good writing, acting, or coherent story lines.

Enjoy the trailer, and then check out the full movie (if you’re so inclined) over at Youtube:

New Trailer: Captain America The Winter Soldier

Marvel's CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLIDER - Teaser PosterJust yesterday, the first trailer for the upcoming Captain America sequel was released. Entitled Captain America: The Winter Soldier, this movie appears to pick up where the Avengers left off. And from the look of things, they chose to go with a “the enemy within” story arc, where Shield is forced to contend with a threat that comes from within the US government itself.

The cast includes Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson and Samuel L. Jackson – reprising their roles as Steve Rogers (Capt. America), Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow) and Nick Fury – and also includes Anthony Mackie as “The Falcon”, Sebastian Stan as “The Winter Soldier” and Robert Redford as Alexander Pierce. The movie is set to be released on April 4th, 2014.

Star Wars News!

Big news from a Galaxy far, far away… Sorry, couldn’t resist! There has been some new industry buzz regarding the upcoming relaunch of the Star Wars franchise of late. Ever since the media giant bought out Lucasfilm from Mr. Lucas himself, there has been plenty of speculation about what the focus of the new trilogy will be. According to Marketsaw, an entertainment and movie blog, the primary focus will be none other than Luke Skywalker himself.

Apparently, the source of this news is an industry insider who reported earlier this year that there would be an episode 7, 8, and 9, so fandom is treating this rumor as canon! Though Luke would be the main focus, they claim the rest of the original cast will also play a prominent role. As such, we can expect that Disney will be veering away from prequels and will be either taking the Thrawn Trilogy approach, or just picking up the story where it left off after Return of the Jedi.

What’s more, the age of the original actors was acknowledged as a bit of a hurdle, but the studio still seems committed to working with them. So perhaps a sequel that takes place many years later would be more the goal here. Or, as the source put it: “The main problem was the age of the cast, and the tone of the story. Now I do believe that Walt Disney intend on playing to the cultural significance of that original trilogy. You will see a tone more in line with the original trilogy, and specifically featuring that cast, if everything shakes out as intended. Which it will, I promise you.”

Promise, eh? Wow, that’s a bold statement!

Also of interest was the role that Lucas himself would be taking in the new trilogy. According to the source, the Disney made this decision after they “realized that George Lucas and STAR WARS are one and the same, so George will certainly have a voice on any angle taken, in fact I believe it’s one of many stipulations. However he will no longer have creative control, and as I said before George was already looking at other creative talents to bring his canon to life…”

Interesting. The source went on to say that the new movies were being “rewritten from previously secret drafts from way back during the making of the original trilogy.”

Well… this sounds like good news! In short, the new movies will feature the original cast and will be trying to strike a tone similar to the original trilogy. What’s more, while Lucas would have input and they would be working from his original notes, he would be relying on others to help bring his vision to life. If I recall correctly, it was this combination which made the original trilogy so enduringly awesome, and Lucas’ straying from it which made the prequels suck!

So really… score!

And that’s not all. The source also gave some information as to who would be starring in the new movie and who would be attached to direct. Apparently, many of the original actors have already been approached, and Mark Hamil is said to be “a certainty”. In terms of directors, the studio is apparently considering Steven Speilberg, Neil Blomkamp (District 9, Elysium), Alfonso Cuarón (Children of Men, Gravity), Matthew Vaughn (Kick Ass, First Class), Darren Arnofsky (The Fountain, Noah) and Joss Whedon (Buffy, Firefly, Serenity, Avengers). Personally, I don’t know who would be best suited, as every name in this dossier seems like a winner!

All I can say is, this is exciting news indeed. A new dawning for the Star Wars franchise, with plans to make not just one, but a series of trilogies that turn the story into a multi-generational saga – which is apparently what Lucas originally hoped for. And since the studio is planning on mounting a very aggressive marketing strategy – a la Harry Potter- we can expect to be hearing plenty more before the first movie is set to air in 2015.

And may the Force be with us! Again, sorry!

The Revengers Are Complete!

Alright! At long last, the Revengers are complete. All thirteen members are registered and accounted for, and so we area ready to start battling crime and corruption in the big city! Yes, I know… twelve isn’t exactly a round number, but unless the makers of Craps have lied to me, its lucky! So without further delay, here is the remainder of the Revengers starting lineup. Behold!

Dark Angel:
Alter Ego: Nina Dee – Publisher, attempting to claw her way to the top. (plus part-time barista at the local Cuppa’ coffee house)
Abilities: Mad Fighting Skills; Ability to Fly; Regeneration
Appearance: Black wings, bustier, skin-tight pants, elbow-long gloves, long blonde hair, clawed fingers and feet, and a bamboo staff
Backstory: Nina was living abroad in Tokyo when she became involved with a Yakuza arms dealer. Unaware of the deeds committed by this man, she was blinded to the wrong doing taking place around her. Until one day, when she realized a mass killing had been carried out using weapons he was shipping. When she confronted him about it, he shot her and left her in a shallow grave. While lying there, she experienced an overwhelming sense of rage, and the souls of the children reaching out to her. A horrific metamorphosis took place that not only saved her life, but transformed her mind, her body, and her soul for a single purpose – Revenge. Rising from her grave a new and malformed creature, Nina vowed to never allow the innocent to suffer at the hands of the greedy and uncaring again, and to never touch a weapon forged by the hand of man.
Catchphrase: “You’ll pray to this Angel, but the only thing I’ll save you from is your next breath!”

Freedom Fighter:
Alter ego:
Carolyn Page, lover of man, beast and the epic discovery of joy.
Appearance:
Blue, red and gunmetal grey ensemble with a hint of feathers, ribbons, brooch insignia, powder gray ankle flight controls, fiery sword.
Abilities: Ability to Fly, Mad Fighting Skills, Super Strength
Backstory:
Page emerged from the wilderness back in June 1765 and has remained a force for joy and justice ever since. Her immortality is as mysterious as she is, as is the origin of her signature move, the high kick. To those seeking to know her past and why she fights injustice and hate with as much verve and dedication as she does, there remains only her bright smile and her enduring motto…
Catchphrase: “Freedom Fighter Flies for Freedom..!”

Pax:
Alter Ego:
Lance Schubert, non-violent activist, writer
Appearance: High-tech suit, form fitting and temperature sensitive. In extreme heat, turns white, in cold, black.
Abilities: Teleportation, Healing, Elasticity
Backstory: Lance woke up one day in the hospital, the sole survivor of a collapsed California high-rise. Everyone he knew or cared for died in the fall, but his new abilities gave him a sense of purpose. And so he headed east and things started happening to his body. In addition to being able to go from one place to the next without moving, he could bend his body in ways that no human body could, and heal instantly when hurt. With his newfound abilities, his non-violent activism found new expression, as a means of stopping evil-doers without inflicting harm.
Catchphrase: “I will ease the pain.”

How The Avengers Should Have Ended

Hi all! Remember HISHE, the hilarious animated website that does alternate ending to movie? Turns out they had an Avengers ending which I thought I shared, but never did! Why, I ask myself? Granted, they didn’t so much as challenge the movie on plot holes as much as mock the fact that the movie made a sh*tload of money! Well, they did that too, but like the movie itself, we are encouraged to look past that and see just how much freaking money it made! And of course, the entire team gets to sit in the superhero cafe, which is where Superman and Batman always wind up after talking about their respective adventures. So what the hey, it’s funny right? Enjoy!

The Superhero Challenge

Earlier today, my wife and I started having a conversation. It was one of those moments where an idea pops into your head, totally irrelevant and unimportant, but fun nonetheless. I asked her, if she could be a superhero and have her choice of three superhero abilities, what would they be. Come to think of it, it doesn’t seem that irrelevant does it? I mean, let’s face it. We’ve all dreamed about being superheroes at one time or another, haven’t we? To have superhuman abilities that would allow us to fight crime, save the world, or just beat people up and make us feel big.

So based on the assumption that there are other people out there who think like I do and have actually dedicated some thought to this question, I have prepared the following list. The goal here is to pick the three abilities that you think would make an ideal, well-rounded, or at least interesting superhero. Remember, you only get three, so choose wisely (and please note that the following list is merely the product of superheroes that I can recall and is by no means complete):

  1. Ability to Fly
  2. Acrobatics
  3. Advanced Technology (i.e. Ironman suit)
  4. Alien Technology (i.e. Green Lantern)
  5. Animal Control
  6. Babel Ear (understand any language)
  7. Camouflage
  8. Cybernetics
  9. Elasticity
  10. Elemental Control (weather)
  11. Energy Absorption
  12. Energy Emission (i.e. shoot energy from your body)
  13. External Shell
  14. Fire control
  15. Gadgets
  16. Godhood (i.e. Thor, Loki)
  17. Guns (i.e. Punisher)
  18. Gills
  19. Healing (others)
  20. Heat vision
  21. High-tech vehicles (i.e. Batmobile, Batjet, etc)
  22. Inertia (i.e. Juggernaut)
  23. Invincibility
  24. Invisible means of conveyance
  25. Invisibility
  26. Mad Fighting Skills
  27. Magnetism
  28. Multiplication (ability to make many of you)
  29. Precognitive
  30. Regeneration (self)
  31. Suggestion (i.e. mind control)
  32. Super Smarts
  33. Super Speed
  34. Super Strength
  35. Telepathy
  36. Teleportation
  37. Telekinesis
  38. Transmutation (shape shifting)
  39. Vampirism
  40. X-ray vision

Good! Now that you’ve selected your three abilities, it’s time to pick a name. What monicker best represents your hero, your abilities, and your particular manifesto. Is it truth, justice and the American Way (holy cliche, Batman!), fighting crime and protecting the citizens of your city (now that’s Batman!), or terrorizing the piddly folk and making them piss your pants at the sheer sight of your face (that sounds like the Joker)? Once again, be sure to choose wisely. The right kind of name can make your career, the wrong kind of name can make you a pariah!

Dark Knight Rises is here… and stirring up controversy!

Well, it’s official! The Dark Knight Rises has hit the theaters, and audiences seem unanimously stoked! In less than 12 hours, the Twitter-sphere, blogosphere, and Rotten Tomatoes have been cluttered with people pouring in to sing the movie’s praises. And yet, more interesting is the controversy which seems to be taking root once again. Much like last time, those who have deigned to give the movie a critical review have caused an uproar, in many cases from fans who haven’t even seen the movie yet.

That is apparently what happened shortly before the release of The Dark Knight. At that time, a critic for New York Magazine expressed some negative opinions for the movie, especially with regards to its plot twists. This unleashed a flood of hate mail and online anger towards the critic, on behalf of franchise fans who, as already noted, hadn’t even seen the movie. This time around, the controversy is much the same. Having viewed the midnight premier, critic Marshall Fine posted a review on Rotten Tomatoes that attracted so much hate mail, his website crashed.

Since that time, the review has moved from Rotten Tomatoes, mainly so Fine can get his server running again, but tempers continue to boil. This prompted Matt Atchity, the editor-in-chief of Rotten Tomatoes, to order that the site’s comments feature be disabled for The Dark Knight Rises. He also published an open letter pleading for people to be civil on the issue. But of course, it’s not all the fault of the fanboys. It seems that, again, like last time, trolls have been doing what they do best (i.e. trolling) and inserting links to bogus reviews which are even more harsh just to stir up the shark tank.

And even Christopher Nolan chose to weigh in on the kerfuffle, saying that the fanboys are within their rights to criticize the critic. Sure they are, so long as they understand that freedom of speech cuts both ways. At least he didn’t go to Jacksonian lengths to silence the critic, calling on fanboys to get the person fired. Yes, shortly after a New York Times critic slammed the Avengers, Samuel L. Jackson responded by denouncing him on Twitter. Not good… not good.

I for one look forward to seeing this movie, and not letting one bad review throw off my opinion of it or get me all worked up. Hell, even the last movie had its faults, but that didn’t take away from it being an awesome and memorable movie, especially where Heath’s portrayal was concerned. And if behind-the-scenes photos of Batman and Bane have taught us anything, it’s that even mortal enemies can kiss and make up! Seriously, check out these photos. Tell me that aint the perfect example of a heartwarming bromance!

Update: In the course of writing this, I read about a terrible tragedy in Aurora, Colorado, where a gunman broke into a theater and shot up the premier of The Dark Knight Rises, killing 15 people and wounding at least 50. The man is in custody and police indicated he tried to booby trap his apartment too. What kind of psycho lunatic is this weirdo?!

Luckily, he’s out of circulation for good and will have nothing but bad food, cold showers, whoopings and cavity searches to look forward to for the rest of his unnatural life. You know, events like this make me think we need REAL crime-fighting superheroes out there!

2012: the Year of Reboots

If you’ve been paying attention to the trailer circuit lately, you might have noticed some new previews making the rounds. A few weeks ago, it was the trailer for the reboot of Spider-Man, this time with the prefix “The Amazing”. Shortly thereafter, a new trailer came out previewing the relaunch of the 1990 movie Total Recall, this time starring Colin Farrell, Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale. And now, there’s a third trailer making the rounds. This last one previews a relaunch of the 1994 Judge Dredd, the one-time Stallone vehicle that will star sci-fi/fantasy veteran Karl Urban and Lena Headey, who’s fame is exploding due to her role as Cersei in Game of Thrones.

What do all these movies have in common? Well, for one, they are relaunches of relatively recent movies. Second, all these movies are scheduled for relaunch in 2012. That means for anyone old enough to have seen the originals, this summer is going to be jammed packed with remakes of movies they’ve already seen… I’m thinking Hollywood needs to just come out and admit that they have no new ideas left!

Now to be fair, some of these movies can get away with being remade. The original Total Recall came out 22 years ago, but for most people in my generation, it was a hit while we were tweens. I can’t imagine many people are going to be seeing it for more than the nostalgic appeal, even if it is packed with headliners. And you can just tell that casting it with Ferrell, Biel and Beckinsale and pitching it as a big FX romp was done to ensure it has a big draw. Still, expect people to comparing it endlessly to the Schwarzenegger original!

Dredd is even more recent, with most fans of the comic being the age of majority when it came out. But a relaunch of this movie seems good given that the last one was such a disappointment. But judging by the trailers, it seems like just another excuse to shoot something in 3D. The storyline also looks pretty contained, focusing on a single mission rather than the larger picture of Mega City One, the Judges and the irony of trusting quasi-fascists to bring order to a chaotic society.

And Spider-Man? Hell, the third movie in that trilogy aired just five years ago! And the original was produced when, in 2002? That’s just a ten year gap between this new one and the first of the originals! Isn’t there a statute of limitations on this kind of thing? Why does this movie even need to be remade, and now of all times? The others featured perfectly good CGI effects and good story lines, and was ably acted by Toby McGuire and Kirsten Dunst. And of course, most people seeing this one already saw all the others.

So really, what possible reason is there for making this version? I have heard some people speculate that it’s because they want to include Spider-Man in the next Avengers movie. So… what happened to Toby McGuire? Is he too old? Was he not returning the studios calls? Did he say there was no POSSIBLE way he’d ever do a Spider-Man movie again? Is that why they’re doing this, so people won’t be surprised when a new guy shows up to play Spidey in Avengers 2? That seems silly!

Oh Hollywood. When did you lose your way? Was it the money, the phoniness, the mountains and mountains of blow? Yeah, I’m betting somewhere between the money and the nose candy, you all just went a little batty and stopped being able to come up with new ideas. So here’s a few ideas. Hire some new people. Pitch to new writers. Try making something though-provoking and avant-garde. Do something other than throw up the same old formulaic crap and rebooting old concepts!

And before you make the excuse that audiences are stupid and won’t buy into something half-way decent and brainy, might I remind that you guys pioneered those low expectations in the first place? Were it not for you constantly trying to appeal to the lowest-common denominator, you wouldn’t be in this creative tailspin. You might say this trend is the end result of underestimating the intelligence of the average person for so very long. Them chickens roosting in your backyard seem to have brought a batch of avian flu with them! In short, Hollywood, back your shit up, get your shit together, and then get your shit off our floor!

Sorry, that got a little rant-y towards the end there. But for me, this is just the straw that broke the camels back. I’d like to see some better movies, and these guys are the one making it hard for independent producers and studios simply because they suck up so much money and produce so much PR. Still, I might see one of these movies. During Prometheus, my wife was more than impressed by the preview for Total Recall, so we’ll see. If I seem stupider once I get back, blame Hollywood!

Cool Ships (volume XI)

Armageddon:
armageddonBack once more to the Eve universe, thank you Mr. Zidar for suggesting it in the first place! Here we have the Armageddon Battleship, the main heavy warship of the Amarr Empire. Packing a lot of firepower into its long, heavy frame, command of one of these is considered the greatest honor an Amarrian Captain can acheive within the Empire.

In terms of armaments, the Armageddon is studded with heavy turret batteries. Its forward section is also heavily reinforced, giving it the ability to ram into enemy ships while pulverizing them with weapon’s fire. It is also heavily shielded in addition to its armor, making it virtually impregnable to all but the most heavily armed cruisers.

Battle Galaxy Carrier:
battlegalaxy-carrierMuch like the SDF-1 from the Macross universe, the Galaxy Carrier is massive transforming ship that comes in two modes. In carrier mode, it is a massive ship that is capable of space flight and sea faring. In its battle mode, it takes the form of a massive mecha which is capable of kicking some very serious ass!

Build in the early-mid 21st century by the New United Nations government, its primary purpose was to act as a colonization vessel for the Macross fleet. And unlike previous colonization vessels, it boasted many new technologies – such as cybernetics and implants – which were meant to continually evolve as the ship traveled through space. On top of all that, it possesses cutting edge stealth technologies that make it capable of slipping past Zentraedi forces and blockades.

battlegalaxy-attackIn terms of armaments, the Battle Galaxy lives up to its name! In addition to an advanced Gunship Type Macross Cannon, which converts into its main firearm when in battle mode, it also has 12 heavy beam cannons (also available in battle mode), multiple phalanx beam cannons and missile launchers, and a compliment short range micro-missile batteries for point-defense.

Firstborn Monolith:
monolithIt would be an understatement to call this one a classic. Taken from the Arthur C. Clarke novel and the movie of the same name, the Monolith was the mysterious aliens means of transport in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Known as the Firstborn, this race was basically the first species to achieve sentience in the galaxy, making them many millions of years old. After eons of evolution and space exploration, these beings had basically evolved to the point where they were no longer flesh and blood.

So really, these monoliths were not so much ships as chariots to carry their uploaded consciousness to the stars. Composed of unknown material and impenetrable to everything from scanners to nuclear detonators, they were a mystery to humanity of the 21st century. It also didn’t help that the only man get within spitting distance of an operational one disappeared, his last words being “My God, it’s full of stars!”

GTF Ulysses:
gtf_UlyssesThis ship, taken once again from the Freespace gaming universe, was one of the fastest and most maneuverable ships in the known universe. A collaborative effort between Terran and Vasudan scientists, it possessed the best design features and technologies they could muster. The Ulysses was designed for service in the Great War, but because of its assets, it saw service with GTVA forces long after the Lucifer was destroyed and the last of the Shivans routed.

In terms of armaments, it was lightly armed compared to other fighters, with four gun mounts, but only two ordinance bays. In the end, its greatest assets were its speed and maneuverability which made it highly effective against faster Shivan ships. In a dog fight, few things could catch it, or get around fast enough to hit it!

Inhibitor Square:
black_cube_world-1024x768These are the mysterious, dark and malevolent machines from the Revelation Space universe. Also known as “The Wolves”, they are a semi-sentient race of machinery that is designed to locate sentient star-faring cultures and exterminate them. However, the Inhibitors didn’t do this using lasers or photon weapons.

Much like the Firstborn from Clarke’s Space Odyssey series, they relied on a series of natural processes. The only real difference was they did it for destruction purposes. For example, when they became alerted to the presence of humanity on Resurgam, they chose to disassemble the planet’s gas giant bit by bit in order to create a massive trumpet like device in space. This was basically a gravitational weapon which they began using to shake the system’s sun to pieces.

Megathron:
megathronAnother Eve warship, the Megathron is the battleship of choice for the Gallente faction. It accelerates quickly, has a high armor capacity, and is very versatile due to its seven turret slots and two launcher hardpoints. This last feature is rare in Gallente ships, which tend to focus on energy weapons.

Because of its many weapons slots, the Megathron can be adapted to long range fire, known as the “Sniperthron”. This vessel is capable of engaging enemies at a distance of 150 km, but leaves it vulnerable to close range attacks and strips of the ability to heal. Another common build is the “Blasterthron” where the weapons of choice or short-range blasters, making it one of the toughest battleships around.

NTF Iceni:
ntf_iceniOnce more onto the Freespace franchise, dear friends. Here we have the one-of-kind prototype vessel known as the Iceni, the brainchild of the Neo-Terran Federation’s commander, Admiral Aken Bosch. Designed to be a command ship and mobile research platform, the Iceni was also a highly capable attack vessel, boasting mutiple turrets, beam mounts and missile batteries.

As part of project ETAK, the Iceni was the only vessel capable of communicating with the Shivans. After being mistaken for a command facility in an asteroid belt, Bosch was forced to deploy this ship prematurely. After shedding it’s housing asteroid, it set course for Gamma Draconis, where it used an Ancient jump gate to flee into unknown space. After making contact with the Shivans, the ship was boarded and most of the crew killed. Once the survivors were rescued, the ship engaged its self-destruct sequence and was lost.

In addition to being faster and more maneuverable than most ships its size, the Iceni also packed as much firepower as a Deimos-class frigate. These included 3 large beam emitters, 7 heavy turrets, 9 defenses turrets, 2 flak batteries, and 4 defensive missile batters. As such, it was capable of standing toe-to-toe with any comparable ship in the Terran or Vasudan armadas, and outrunning anything larger.

Prometheus:
prometheus_shipJust to be clear, I haven’t seen the movie… yet! I wanted to, but I dragged into seeing another film last night which also rocked (see below)! Luckily, I have seen enough trailers and promotional videos to know a few things about the eponymously named vessel. So here she is, just one day (finger crossed) before I see her on the silver screen! As an exploration vessel, the USCSS Prometheus was a designed for deep-space expeditions to alien worlds.

As a full-service space taxi, it was designed for both atmospheric and space flight and could therefore forgo the need for landing pods and shuttles. This was all made possible thanks to its reinforced hull, four multi-vector thrusters that allowed for verticle take off and landing, and an observation deck that allowed the crew a panoramic view of space and whatever landscapes they were surveying. During takeoff and atmospheric entry, these are enclosed by a series of protective shields.

Prometheus_ship_rearOn top of all that, it was packed with amenities for its crew. These included a large bay for heavy equipment and expedition vehicles, a full-service mess hall, a medical bay, recreational facilities, a built-in basketball court, long-range communications systems, crew quarters, cryogenic chambers, and holographic display windows. And of course, the ship’s own laboratory which served as its main research center. No doubt about it, ships like this, courtesy of the Weyland Corporation, ensured that crews could travel in style and comfort before being horribly killed by extra-terrestrials!

Special Mention: The Avenger Helicarrier!
Yes, I managed to get out last night to the movie theater. But instead of catching Prometheus as I originally hoped, I was coaxed into seeing the Avengers instead. It-was-awesome! Tons of cool action, a respectable, multi-layered plot, and lots and lots of cool shit! Kudos to Joss Whedon, I think he just became my hero!

And one of the things I liked best about this movie was S.H.I.E.L.D.’s own big-ass helicarrier! When they hinted that it was both a carrier and a sub, I was like “Whoaaaa! Like something out of Robotech!” But then, out came those massive turbofans and it took off! I just sat and stared for several, sustained minutes. My wife laughed at me. At that point, I said, “Okay, maybe you were right to want to see this.”

Anyhoo, much like something out of Robotech, this carrier was a massive machine that came in two modes. In its standard mode, it was your basic aircraft carrier similar in appearance to a Nimitz-class carrier. In its other mode, it is a freaking hovercraft, where four massive turbofans and two sets of jet engine clusters allow it to fly! It also has a comprehensive camouflage system where a series of reflector panels obscure it from sight, similar to adaptive camouflage.

And of course, as an aircraft carrier, it also has the usual amenities, which include several squadrons of F-22 and F-35 fighters and quinjets. And though armament didn’t come up in the movie, we can also assume that it has a full compliment of Phalanx point-defense cannons and Harpoon anti-ship missiles. But knowing S.H.I.E.L.D., I’m sure the list doesn’t end there. Most likely, they also got some cool stuff like an EMP, some rail guns, or laser devices in there too!