Tag: uss enterprise

Of Invincible Aliens that were Easily Vanquished

warofworldsaliensIf there’s one thing that’s become an annoying cliche in commercial science fiction movies, and even some novels, it’s the idea of a super-advanced alien race that come to Earth, proceeds to kick ass, but then gets beaten by a ragtag bunch of superheroes by the most implausible means. You know what I’m talking about, the big evil monsters from another planet who seem to have armies, navies and nuclear arsenals beat, but then succumb to germs, basic hacking, and inferior weaponry.

Having grown up with a lot of bad science fiction, I could name a few titles from my childhood which, looking back, kind of insulted my intelligence. But as I’ve gotten older, the list has grown and expanded. And I really thought it was time I did a list that presents all of the bad stories, movies and television arcs that I’ve witnessed over the years, the ones that extra-terrestrial would definitely get a kick out of if ever they saw them. Hopefully, they wouldn’t conclude we humans actually think like this, and hence would be that much easier to conquer!

And here they are, in order of awfulness. The list of incompetent alien invaders!

1. Battlefield Earth:
battlefieldearthI start with this movie for obvious reasons. As far as logic and plot development were concerned, this movie could not have been more insulting to aliens! Not only was their own ineptitude galactic in proportions, but it flew in the face of everything we were told during the first half of the movie (or quarter of the book). Yes, L. Ron Hubbard (the inventor of Scientology) isn’t exactly known for being the most rational of human beings, but even he was out to lunch on this one!

For starters, it is established early on that the Psychlos – an alien civilization of clawed Rastafarians – have conquered Earth by the year 3000. But in the course of the story, we learn through the main character that it was extremely easy for them to do it. Using their superior technology, Earth’s armies, navies and air forces fell to the invasion after a mere 9 minutes! That’s quite the ass-whooping!

And yet, a group of tribal kinsmen are able to not only defeat the occupying Psychlos, but destroy their entire homeworld in the course of an uprising. How, you might ask? Well, as it turns out, Terl, the governor of Earth – played by director and Hubbard acolyte John Travolta – facilitated it all by giving Johnny Goodboy Tyler (the protagonist of the story) all the lucrative info on their race so he could become a foreman for a private gold mining operation, but in turn used it to train a resistance.

In the course of so doing, Tyler was able to trick Terl into accepting gold from Fort Knox, where he used 1000-year old simulators to train his ragtag misfits in how to use equally old Harriers, missiles, and even a nuke, which they then teleportedto the Psychlo home planet in the midst of their rebellion. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that the Psychlos atmosphere ignites when it comes into contact with radiation? Yeah, that’s kind of important, because it resulted in the full-scale destruction of their home world!

Ignoring for a fact that the physics of this makes absolutely no sense, Hubbard’s tale basically asserts that by relying on the same technology that couldn’t last ten minutes against a bunch of alien invaders in the first place, a bunch of hill people did what ever army on Earth could not and killed off a far more advanced species. How did these Psychlos conquer Earth in the first place? They are not only breathe air that’s the equivalent of dry tinder of gasoline, they’re dumber than dirt!

2. Independence Day:
independence_day-207756Here we have another instance where audiences were presented with an alien menace that appeared unassailable in the first act of the movie, but then proved to be total pushovers. As the first Roland Emmerich disaster flick to grace the silver screen in America, this movie made a ton of money and set the arc for Emmerich’s career. Fun and silly, it sucked as far as realism and suspension of disbelief were concerned. For me, what endures about this movie is how fun it is to make fun of!

Basically, the aliens come to Earth in a massive mothership that begins deploying smaller motherships across the globe. Using our own satellites to sync up, they begin a countdown to Armageddon and start blowing up every major city on the planet. The only person who seems to notice the countdown ahead if time is a lone cable repair man, and not the NSA, CIA, MI6 or any other covert spy agency on the planet!

All counter-attacks fail, as it seems the alien ships have shields – these big green walls that protect them from our missiles. Nukes are even useless against them. All hope seems lost until, contained within Area 51, this same cable man comes up with an idea… He’s going to download a virus to the alien mothership using his Macbook and set off a nuke inside it. With the help of a fighter pilot who seems oddly and suddenly qualified to fly a captured alien ship, they fly into space, make it aboard the mothership, and begin their hack job.

And while the alien’s shields are down, what remains of Earth’s air forces mount a counter-attack that goes off quite well. It seems that without their shields, the alien fighters are a bunch of total wimps! And the smaller motherships, all you got to do is find a alcoholic, traumatized crop duster to fly a plane up their main gun shaft and the whole thing will blow up! Oh, and the hacker team, they make it out before the nuke goes off and somehow crashland without dying. Hurray for xenocide!

So basically, our species was on the verge of being exterminated, only to be saved by a cable man, a NASA reject, and a drunken crop duster with PTSD. Brent Spiner was right, it WAS just a matter of getting around their technology! And how easy was that? Yeah, they got interstellar spaceships, laser beams and shields, but the bastards can’t even erect a firewall to stop a single hacker? And speaking of those laser beams, turns out all you got to do is stick your finger in the barrel and the whole ship will blow up!

3. Battle: Los Angeles
Battle_Los_Angeles_PosterHere we have another instance where aliens attack, manage to do untold amounts of damage, but then seem to succumb when a small band of heroes come together and put their minds to the task of beating them. And in this case, the aliens didn’t even really have an Achilles heel. They just seemed to become beatable once the Marines figured out their physiology, technology and basic tactics, which was surprisingly easy…

It’s almost summer in LA, and a grizzled veteran who’s traumatized over the recent loss of his platoon is about to quit the service. But of course, hostile aliens land off the coast and throw a wrench in his retirement plans! And instead, he is deployed to the city to defend against the first wave of the assault, and is quickly trapped with what remains of his platoon behind the enemy’s lines.

There, they begin to figure out the enemy. This consists of first performing a recreational autopsy on one to find out how to kill it. Turns out all you have to do is shoot them “to the right of the heart”. So, in the chest then? No wonder all the other soldiers couldn’t kill them! They were aiming for the groin! Fleeing with some civilians in tow, they also systematically discover all their other weaknesses…

This includes the fact that the alien airdrones are drawn to their radio transmissions and that all their drones are controlled by some central command module. After realizing they are on their own because the Air Force aint coming, they divert to find the module and then destroy it. All the alien drones are deactivated, the Marines are rescued, and a counter-attack is now underway to clear the last of them. But of course, the Marines refuse to sit this one out and selflessly volunteer to go back in…

So the lesson here is, when entire armies fail and fall back, its a small group of heroes that will save the day. Not bad, but how is it a bunch of grunts in the field are able to figure out how an enemy arsenal works while the higher ups basically have their thumbs up their asses the whole time? Funny how that always seems to be the case!

And sure, I get that the leader of these heroes would be a scarred man seeking redemption, but are we to believe that a man who lost his entire platoon to insurgents would have no trouble leading a handful of people to victory over a far more advanced alien species? Something just doesn’t add up here…

4. Signs:
Signs_movieposterI remember the days when M. Night Shyamalan was considered a big deal, and not some dude past his prime who made a string of critically-panned movies. Yes, in addition to being hellbent on starring in his own films and using material that seemed marginal (comic book heroes, monsters, aliens and ghosts), he also seemed to have a real hard on for stories that were full of holes!

And this movie was no exception, adding to an already rich tradition of scary aliens who don’t seem to have a clue when it comes to conquering planet Earth. The story starts out clear enough, with “signs” of an impending invasion by alien beings. And of course, the heroes here are a single family made up of people strangely qualified to defeat them – a priest who’s lost his faith after losing his wife, a psychic daughter, an asthmatic son, and former baseball player who swings at everything.

When the aliens show up, it turns out his dying wife’s words were a prophecy on how to beat back in the invasion. First, hit them in the head with a bat, they hate that! Then, rely on your sons asthma to prevent him from inhaling their toxic vapors. And finally, realize your daughter’s desire to keep glasses of water around the house are a defensive mechanism, since water is toxic to them.

Really? So these things can travel light years to our planet for the sake of terrorizing and killing us, but are vulnerable to a blows in the head from a blunt object and a liquid that covers 70% of our planet and permeates the air. What kind of invaders are these? Are these the same ones who were defeated in the Simpsons by a “board with a nail?”

Also, did they not notice ahead of time that the most basic element, next to the air itself, was fatal to them? What is it with alien invaders not doing their due diligence? How is it that we here on Earth are able to notice lakes of sulfuric acid on Venus, despite having never landed there, but aliens can’t notice the equivalent on a planet they are actively invading? Kang, Kodos… get off our planet!

5. Battleship:
Battleship_PosterNext up, we have the movie that dared to ask the age old question: “what do you get if you cross Transformers with Independence Day?” The answer being, the same old story of unlikely heroes beating an alien menace, but with a twist! This one is set at sea. And if that wasn’t enough, it also stars Rihanna, who proved once again that there are some singers who should stick to what they’re good at and avoid crossing over!

And much like in Battle: LA, we once again have aliens landing in the sea and wreaking havoc on nearby city – this time in Honolulu. After trapping and destroying the US and Japanese naval ships in the vicinity, the alien ships take control of the communications array on the nearby island of Oahu. A single vessel, captained by a LT after his brother (the Captain) is killed, manages to survive and continues the fight…

This includes the US naval ship taking out two of the alien ships and capturing an alien to learn that they are vulnerable to sunlight. On land, a veteran and quadruple amputee in recovery also figures out what the aliens are doing with the array. Apparently, they are using it to summon more of their ships to Earth. So on land and at sea, we have unlikely heroes who begin unraveling the aliens’ plans.

Using the aliens rather pedestrian weakness to their advantage, the US naval ships manage to blind the last of the smaller alien ships with sunlight and destroy it. However, it too is sunk, but they manages to survive and gets back to base to commandeer the USS Missouri, the last remaining US Battleship in existence. Bringing her out of retirement, they use her big guns to take out the alien ships shields, allowing the Air Force to finish her off.

Following this, the Lieutenant is promoted and given a ship of his own to command. Him and Rihanna also arrange to get married. Hurray! Planet Earth is saved and everybody’s getting laid! And once again, it seems that if you’re a reluctant hero, or you’ve got vengeance on your mind, you can beat the odds and overcome a vastly superior alien foe. Never mind that a small fleet was useless against this enemy, or that your vessel is dangerously out of date even by Earth standards!

6. The Borg (Star Trek: TNG):
borgsHere we have a truly chilling and frightening alien menace that started out as a credible threat, but quickly degenerated into a nuisance that was eventually beaten through some unlikely twists! I can still remember when the Borg were first presented in the second and third season of TNG, just how tough and scary they seemed! How they went from this from the clumsy, easily-fooled menace led by a “Queen” towards the end is a mystery…

As Guinan said during their introductory episode, the Borg are a collective “made up of organic and artificial life which has been developing for thousands of centuries.” In addition to being virtually indestructible and entirely collectivized, they are hellbent on assimilating all known lifeforms and technology they come across. This makes them an inevitable threat, one which Q believes they are unprepared to face.

Borg_qwhoHence, he arranges for a little face-to-face between them and the Enterprise, and it doesn’t go too well. In addition to finding that their weapons are virtually ineffective against a Borg ship, they also learn that these ships are capable of healing from battle damage, are faster and far more coordinated than their own; and most importantly, that they are crewed by a relentless enemy. They narrowly survive, and only because of Q’s intervention.

Their second confrontation happens shortly thereafter, when a Borg Cube is dispatched to Federation space to begin assimilating them. After an initial encounter with the vessel, Picard is captured and assimilated. The crew learns that he is now part of the Borg and that his knowledge has been absorbed. As the Borg vessel begins advancing on Earth, the Federation loses 39 ships in an attempt to stop it.

lucutusIn the end, they manage to stop it by recapturing the Captain, tapping into the Borg neural net, and commanding them to go to sleep. The Borg ship self-destructs, realizing their collective has been intruded and they are vulnerable. It is for this reason, and this reason alone, that humanity survives its first engagement with the Borg and lives to fight another day. Scary stuff, and doesn’t bode too well for the future!

Immediately thereafter, the Borg ceases to become a serious threat. Not appearing again until the end of Season 5, at which point Roddenberry had died, the Enterprise discovers a single stranded Borg and rescue him, plotting to return him to the collective carrying a virus. However, they soon realize the lone Borg, who’ve they’ve humanized by naming him “Hugh”, is no longer a Borg per se, and cannot commit to the plan. Instead, they learn that Hugh’s individuality have spread throughout the collective, causing chaos.

borg_queenThereafter, the Borg made no real appearance in the series until the spinoff series Voyager, where they make numerous appearances before being vanquished. First, they are shown to be fighting a losing war against beings from a parallel dimension where space is fluid and technology is organic in nature. The Voyager crew assists the collective against this common threat, and gains 7 of 9 as a crewmember.

In subsequent episodes and seasons, Voyager wages a one-ship war with the collective as they flee back to Federation space. They manage to outwit the Borg Queen (weren’t they supposed to be a collective?) time after time, stealing a trans warp coil from her, saving a group of resistance fighters from the collective’s grasp, and coordinating their efforts with a future Janeway to not only make it home, but crash the entire collective with a virus.

From invincible enemy that spoke with one voice, to a bunch of dumb drones led by a megalomaniacal queen that made deals and was easily tricked, the Borg was a truly awesome concept that degenerated into a sort “Evil the Cat” that became all-too-human. Ironic, and quite disappointing really. Much like many elements of the show, this was one of Roddenberry’s babies that seemed to suffer in his successor’s hands.

7. The Day of the Triffids:
DayofthetriffidsAlthough based on a novel that ended quite differently, the film adaptation of this novel has gone down in history as a case of aliens that seemed so menacing, but proved to be very dumb. Written by John Wyndham, the author that brought us The Chrysalids, the story considers the possibility of an alien invasion that doesn’t involve tripods, motherships or little green men armed with ray guns.

No, in the end, Windham’s invasion was much more subtle, patient, and far more effective. It begins when the triffids, a race of seemingly intelligent, aggressive plants that begin popping up all over the world. Initially thought to be the result of bioengineering within the USSR (a possible commentary on Lysenkoism), the venomous plants are soon revealed to be the first wave in an alien invasion.

After being blinded by contact with one of the plants, the main character awakens in the hospital to find it deserted. He begins to walk through the streets of London, apparently surrounded by other blind people. He soon comes upon a group of people who still have their sight and are planning on establishing a colony to repopulate the human race.

In time, it is made clear that the triffids are causing the environment to change, effectively terraforming Earth to become more like the alien environment they are used to. They continue to advance and eventually surround the small home the main characters make for themselves. But at the same time, the main characters learns that a colony has been formed on the Isle of Wight, which is removed from the infestation, where people are attempting to continue the fight.

In creating this story, Wydnham acknowledged a great debt to H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds; though in this novel, the aliens are not foiled. However, in the film adaptation of the novel, the triffids are eventually foiled by a very likely source: salt water! Yes, it seems that an invasive species chose to attack a planet where the majority of the surface is covered by something entirely poisonous to them.

Little wonder then why Shyamalan chose water as his aliens’ weakness. He was ripping off a classic movie! Too bad it was an unfaithful adaptation of the original novel. He could have avoided making one of several bad movies!

8. The War of the Worlds:
waroftheworldsWe come to it at last, the original story that inspired an entire slew of classic alien invasion tales. Written in 1895-97, H.G. Wells’ The War of the Worlds not only introduced the world to the concept of a “Martian invasion”, it set the tone for all subsequent generations of paranoia and fear regarding extra-terrestrial life. This was not an intended consequences of his work, mind you, just a side-effect of what was arguably a brilliant novel.

Told from a first-person point of view, the story follows a philosophically-inclined author who witnesses the invasion firsthand. It all begins shortly after an observatory notes the appearance of several “explosions’ on the surface of Mars. Shortly thereafter, the narrator is one of many people to notice the arrival of a meteor which turns out to be a large cylinder. When the cylinder opens, disgorging tripods that begin incinerating everything with heat rays.

War-of-the-worlds-tripodMore cylinders begin falling all over Southern England, laying waste to military units and communities. After meeting up with an artilleryman, the narrator finds out that he has become cut off from his wife, and reroutes to try and find her. People begin to evacuate London, and British forces are able to bring down some of the tripods, but eventually, all organized resistance ceases.

In their wake, the Martian begin to unleash a species known as Red Weed, a native martian plant that begins altering the Earth’s ecology. Of the narrator’s companions, a curate and the artilleryman, the former comes to see the invasion as a herald of the Apocalypse, while the latter begins to advocate that humanity rebuild civilization underground. He eventually leaves both behind and returns to London, where he finds the aliens dead due to infectious disease.

At once brilliant and original, Wells story has undergone extensive scrutiny over the years. It’s plot and thematic makeup have led many critics to wonder what its central message was, whether it was meant as a sort of cautionary tale, an historical allusion, or an indictment on British colonial policy. As part of the larger trend of invasion literature, there were also many who thought that the aliens represented an actual enemy (i.e. Germany), and the point was merely to stoke fears about the possibility of an actual world war.

Summary:
In the end, it seems pretty obvious that when it comes to alien invasion stories and movies, everyone is picking at the crumbs from Wells’ table. As one of the first stories involving war between humanity and extra-terrestrials, it was also the first to introduce the world to the concept of a seemingly unassailable alien menace that was brought down because of an Achilles heel.

And without fail, it now seems like just about every purveyor of science fiction has followed in his footsteps. Whether it’s Verhoeven’s disaster porn, classic B-movie adaptations, new generations of speculative sci-fi novels, or mainstream TV shows, the concept of a fearsome, super-advanced species that initially has the edge on humanity, only to be foiled by superior… whatever, is destined to be all the rage!

And much like Wells War, one can’t help but wonder about the psychology and deeper sociological implications of that. Do such ideas remain popular with us as part an enduring xenophobic tendency, or are they part of some deeper destructive impulse, where we just love to see civilization as we know reduced to ashes? In some respects, you might say this a healthy sublimation of that desire, where we allow others to do what we secretly desire, right before we pay them back in full!

I’m thinking this is getting a little too intellectual given the subject matter I started with. This was supposed to about clueless aliens and how these stories and film parody them. Once again, I sincerely hope that if there are aliens out there who are able to listen in on our radio, television and movie transmissions, that they take all of this entertainment with a massive grain of salt.

I think I speak for all of humanity when I say we don’t need no invasions anytime soon! Come back after we’ve developed our own death rays!

Now here's an alien that doesn't go die so easily!
Now here’s an alien that isn’t defeated so easily!

The White House’s Death Star Petition

Death-Star-thumb-550x373-109406Remember a few weeks back when the White House was petitioned to conduct a feasibility study on the building of the USS Enterprise? Well, as it turns out, it received another petition at that time, similar in theme, but bolder by several orders of magnitude. The petition, which was filed in November of 2012 and got 34,435 signatures, was for the White House to build a real-life Death Star by 2016.

You read that right, a real-life Death Star. Yes, the petitioners seemed to think that the USS Enterprise wasn’t a big enough project, and the 20 year window for completing it too long. So instead, they recommend the Obama administration commit to building a massive, planet-destroying space station and to do it within the next four years.

And as it turns out, the petition got a response. Since it met the minimum requirement of 24,000 signatures, the White House was obliged to let the petitioners know exactly what they thought of their idea. Their answer came in the form of a cheekily titled document entitled “This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For”, and listed some of many, many reasons why the US couldn’t commit to such a program. Here is the opening section of the reply, as made by Paul Shawcross, chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget:

“The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

  • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?”

Not the cheekiness of the reply. He then went on to tout NASA’s accomplishments in the last few years, drawing attention to recent advances in robotics, the International Space Station, Curiosity’s Mission to Mars, commercial space flight, and the possibility of building an outpost on the moon. This, he claims, are evidence that “we are living in the future!”, after which he urges the petitioners to “Enjoy it,” and even encourages them to consider a career in science and space.

What’s more, the report was filled with many tongue-in-cheek Star Wars references. For example, at one point he states “Even though the United States doesn’t have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we’ve got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we’re building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun.” Clever. If you ever want to draw attention to the Voyager spacecraft or the Solar Probe, just compared it to the Millennium Falcon.

He also mentioned President Obama’s hosting of the White House science fairs and astronomy events, where he playfully danced around with a toy lightsaber to the delight of the crowd, and how the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency work on robotics and bionic limbs would lead to the creation of “Luke’s arm”. And the sign-off line left no doubts as to the tone of this response, playful, yet stalwart and optimistic:

“If you do pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field, the Force will be with us! Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.”

Take that, frivolous petitioners! You just got poned! To read the entire response (trust me, its worth your time!), click on the following link and be glad there are civil servants like this out there!

Source: blastr.com, petitions.whitehouse.gov

White House Petition: Build the USS Enterprise!

USS-EnterpriseEarlier this year, an engineer who goes by the alias BTE Dan claimed that a working model of the USS Enterprise could be built with existing technology and completed within 20 years. And this was a full-scale Enterprise, complete with a lower hull, upper saucer section, artificial gravity, ion engines, nuclear power, and a 100 kilowatt laser.

Well it seems that Dan wasn’t finished just yet. To follow up on this move, he stated a White House petition to do a feasibility study and conceptual design of the USS Enterprise interplanetary spaceship. This, he sees as a viable step towards ensuring that a segment of scientists and engineers in the space industry take an active interest and help move the concept forward.
entpriseAs it stands, the concept still has numerous technical flaws, Dan admits, but that is precisely why he is seeking professionals help. As he put it, “There is a lot of waste heat to get rid of, today’s ion propulsions engines need major advances, and perhaps stability problems will be found with the gravity wheel.” And that’s just for starters…

What’s more, his initial visit with NASA space engineers and space contractors did not go so well. As he put it, “I am an outsider poking around in their sandbox, and human nature is that people don’t like that.” However, since the story first broke earlier this year, Dan’s website has crashed because of the massive increase in traffic.

USS-Enterprise-size-comparisons-640Mainly, people are impressed with the depth and detail of his planning, which not only includes conceptual designs and designs specs, but also comes complete with a funding schedule and accounting for just about every detail of the ship’s construction. But mainly, I’m thinking people are intrigued by the possibility that such a project could actually be feasible, and are impressed with Dan’s passion and commitment to seeing it happen by the 2030’s.

As of this evening, the petition has collected 19,804 signatures, and needs only 5,196 more to reach the minimum required for consideration. Personally, I recommend we get on it. It’s just a feasibility study, after all, and I for one am interested to see if it could really be done. To read and/or sign the White House petition, click here. And be sure to check out the video below of some of the proposed star craft’s inner workings:


Source: Universe Today.com, Build the enterprise.org

Terraforming in Pop Culture

Welcome back to the wonderful world (pun!) of Terraforming. In my last post on the subject, I came to see that it emerged in fiction in the early 20th century as part of our growing awareness of the universe and humanity’s place within it. As western civilization grew and came to encompass the entire world through exploration, conquest and colonization, human scientists simultaneously discovered that our universe was much larger than previously thought, and began to postulate that life could exist on other planets.

In short, while our world grew smaller, the universe grew much, much larger. With no more nooks  or corners left to explore and conquer, we began to set our sights to the heavens for the next frontier. It’s such a fertile topic, but I shan’t get into it here. If I start waxing philosophical on all the thought that goes into exploring new worlds, we’ll be here forever.

Onto to the subject for today, which is terraforming in popular culture! As you can guess, there are quite a few instances of this taking place, and for good reason. Wherever science fiction and exoplanets have shown up in pop-culture, the concept terraforming was sure to follow. In some cases, this constituted a mere mention, but in others, detailed descriptions were given. Here is a list of just a few examples that I could find:

Aliens:
Central to the plot of Aliens was the fact that LV-426, the planet where the Nostromo and its crew encountered the Xenomorph in the first movie, had become a settler colony. As the executive at Weyland Yutani told Ripley, it was what they referred to as a “Shake and Bake Colony”, where terraformers were sent on ahead to run the atmospheric processors and make the planet suitable for human use. This was all in keeping with WY’s motto of “Building Better Worlds”. Pshaw!

Shortly after they arrive on LV-426, Ripley and the compliment of Colonial Marines determined that the colonists had been moved into the atmospheric processor, specifically to its lower levels where the air was hot and humid. Apparently, these conditions were favorable to the Xenomorph hatchlings, which began to use the colonists as hosts to breed”Chestbusters”.

After their disastrous confrontation in the hive, the atmospheric processor suffered a rupture to its coolant systems, which meant that the entire thing would go thermonuclear in just a few hours. After being all but eradicated in their first encounter with the Xenomorph and losing their only transport back to the ship, this served to add further urgency to the plot. And in the end, it was the destruction of the atmospheric processor which ensured that the Xenomorph colony was destroyed and all traces of them (with the exception of the Queen) wiped out.

Cowboy Bebop:
Set in the not-too-distant future, this anime from from the late nineties was set in a universe where humanity lived throughout the Solar System. This was made possible due to the discovery of hyperspace gates; however, due to the explosion of one near the Moon, Earth found itself being bombarded by meteorites which devastated large sections of the planet. As a result, much of the human race had to relocate to the Inner Planets, the Asteroid Belt, and the moons of Jupiter.

Many episodes of the show take place on the planets of Venus, Mars, Ganymede, Io, Callisto, and Titan, where terraforming has rendered them partially of fully habitable. Though the concept is treated as a sort of given, some degree of explanation is given as to how it took place and the varying degrees of success that resulted. In the case of Mars and Venus, the terraforming was so successful that Mars became the new hub of human civilization and Venus a major population center.

With this background firmly in place, the series plot arc – which involves a motley group of bounty hunters patrolling the system Space Western style – is then able to unfold. Though the show last only 26 episodes, it did achieve a cult following and a level of influence, similar to Joss Wedon’s Firefly (another Space Western that died prematurely).

Firefly:
Speak of the devil, or in this case, a show that made good use of the concept of terraforming. Intrinsic to the plot of this show, so much so that they opened every episode by referring to it, is the fact that in this future, the human race was forced to relocate to a new star system after Earth had been “used up”. Arriving at the “White Star”, they found dozens of planets and hundreds of moons around the system’s central sun and its many dwarf suns. These planets were then terraformed, a process which took generations, and began populated them soon after.

Another fact which is central to the story is the fact that while the central worlds were terraformed successfully and boasted large, advanced populations, the outer planets were poorly terraformed, leading to dry, desolate worlds that became havens for crime and backwards populations. Though life was show to be difficult in these colonies, they were also the only places where people can still enjoy a life free of the repressive Alliance regime.

But more importantly, this back story gave Joss Whedon an excuse for the look and feel of his acclaimed Space Western! It also played perfectly into the show’s historical narrative, where the expanding Alliance represented the closing of the American frontier and the death of a way of life. For not only were the First Nations and their culture being sacrificed in the name of “Manifest Destiny”, a great deal of the American Dream of an open frontier was as well.

Red Planet:
Set in 2056 AD, the plot of this film centers around ongoing terraforming efforts on Mars. Faced with the dual problems of overpopulation and pollution, NASA and other space agencies begin sending automated probes to Mars that contain atmosphere-producing algae. These probes have been seeding Mars for twenty years as the first stage in a terraforming effort that will make the planet suitable for human settlement. When the oxygen production is inexplicably reduced, a crew is sent to investigate so that the  terraforming efforts can be put back on track.

When the mission arrives, and endures numerous disasters,they eventually discover that the introduction of Earth algae has stirred up the native Martian life. This consists of nematodes that have come to the surface to feed on the algae, emitting oxygen in return. This, they realize, has changed the parameters of the original project, but leaving it otherwise intact.

Star Trek II and III:
What is generally hailed by fans as the best movie of the franchise (Wrath of Khan) opens up with a rather unusual take on terraforming. In fact, the plot of both the second and third movie revolve around a project known as Genesis, a means of instantaneously transforming a planet from a lifeless husk into a habitable M-class planet.

In Wrath of Khan, things begin when the starship Reliant, while searching for a lifeless planet in the Ceti Alpha system, is taken over by Khan Noonien Soong and his band of genetically-modified people. Having learned of their mission, Khan becomes obsessed with finding the Genesis device so that he can restore the desolate landscape of Ceti Alpha V, presumably with the intention of resurrecting his dead wife.

In the end, Kirk and the Enterprise disable his ship inside a nebula, prompting Khan to set the Genesis device to self-destruct in the hopes of taking Kirk with him. With their warp drive non-functional, the Enterprise could not escape, prompting Spock to sacrifice himself in order to bring the engines back online. Though he dies from radiation poisoning, the ENterprise escapes as the Genesis device detonates, which has the effect of turning the nebula itself into an M-Class planet.

At the very end of the movie, Spock’s body is placed inside a torpedo casing and fired into orbit around Genesis. After landing on the surface, the “Genesis wave” heals Spock’s body and he is reborn. This, as all fans of the franchise know, was the basis for the third movie where Kirk and the Enterprise come back to Genesis to retrieve him. In the course of doing so, the Genesis plant is examined in more detail and the effects of the project. Ultimately, though the device was capable of creating life out of lifeless, it proved unstable and resulted in the total collapse of the planet created.

Total Recall:
The film adaptation of Philip K Dick’s “We can Remember it for You Wholesale” differed from the source material in many key ways. For example, in addition to the central theme of memory and the dividing line between real and artificial, there was also an extensive backstory involving Mars. Ultimately, the character of Quad (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger) learns that he is drawn to Mars because that is where he is from, and his false identity implanted because of something he witnessed there.

In the end, it is revealed that this secret has to do with an ancient alien device that lies at the heart of the planet, a device which has the power to terraform Mars into a habitable world. Apparently, this involved some super-heated coils that, when activated, would plunge into the planet’s watery core, evaporating them and filling Mars’ atmosphere with water vapor. When Quad activated the device, it had the effect of creating breathable atmosphere within a matter of minutes.

Not the most realistic depiction of terraforming, but it did have it’s upsides. For one, it took advantage of contemporary scientific theories that stated that Mars might have underground sources of water and ice. Second, it incorporated speculation of how these could be used to eventually create oxygen-creating plants on the surface and hence, an atmosphere. Last, it worked into the plot in that the villain, Coohagen, knew that if Mars had a natural atmosphere, it would destroy the basis of his power (controlling the air supply).

Starship Enterprise… in 20 years!

My pal Fraser Cain over at Universe Today has once again posted the latest from the sci-fi universe. Despite my best efforts, I just can’t seem to keep up with the professionals! Apparently, an engineer has stipulated that the original Enterprise, the Constitution-class vessel from the original series, could be built in 20 years.

In the original series, this ship was built by a team of Star Fleet engineers in the year 2245. However, this engineer describes – in excrutiating detail- how we could do it by 2032, and using current technology.

Everything from the ion drives, the artificial gravity, a 100 megawatt laser, and landing pods and shuttles. Everything but the warp drive… that’s going to take some more time. But dammit, the Star Trek engineers never specified how that whole “warp bubble” thing works anyway!

This ship could make the trip from Earth to the Moon in just three days, and Mars in ninety. Such a ship, with the capacity to carry a large crew and land people with its compliment of shuttles, would be the first step towards colonizing the Solar System. First the Moon, then Mars, then Europa and Ganymede. Perhaps Oberon and Titan too… Skies the limit, apparently!

Like many things, this latest revelation teaches us that the future is coming faster than previously thought. Already we’ve seen compads and peronsal communicators arrive early (iPads and cell phones). If starships make it on the scene a full two centuries ahead of schedule, then it will just prove what guys like Kurzweil say all the time. Technology is not linear, its exponential, and everyday the future gets that much closer… Profoundness! Cue Star Trek music!

http://www.buildtheenterprise.org/

Cool Ships (volume VII)

Welcome to volume 7. Nuff chit chat, let’s get started!

The Blackbird:
Starting this list off right is the stealth ship from the updated Galactica universe. Christened the Laura, in honor of President Roslyn, this ship was the brainchild of engineer Galen Tyrol and his deck hands, who decided to build a new fighter from scratch to make up for their losses. Build for speed and skinned with carbon fiber instead of the usual metal, this ship proved to be invisible to both Colonial and Cylon tracking equipment, hence its designation as a stealth ship.

On her maiden voyage, Starbuck flew the Blackbird on an illegal reconnaissance mission to take pictures of the Cylon Resurrection ship that had been pursuing Galactica. The operation was a complete success, with Admiral Cain – the Pegasus’ CO – going as far to say that: “she flew right up their tailpipe and they didn’t even notice”.

As a result of the technical data obtained from this mission, a joint attack was planned between the Galactica and Pegasus to take the RS down. The Blackbird would go on to play a crucial role in this attack, using its stealth abilities to fly within a few meters of the RS and take out its FTL drive with a well-placed missile. Unfortunately, the Blackbird would suffer a fatal collision after performing this duty, and Captain Lee Adama, its pilot for the op, was almost killed.

Corellian Corvette:
Another mainstay of both the Rebel and Imperial fleets, this ship made its debut in the opening scene from Star Wars: A New Hope and has been with the franchise ever since. Otherwise known as a “Blockade Runner”, the CR90 corvette embodies the spirit of Corellian ship designs, boasting speed and versatility over size and raw firepower.

Because of its adaptability, another Corellian trademark, the CR90 could serve in a variety of roles. These ran the gambit from such mundane duties as freight hauling, to more dangerous assignments like raids and providing fighter escort. In some cases, they could even take on such high-profile missions as diplomatic envoys, carrying public officials to and from their assignments.

Because of these qualities, the CR90 had a long history of service in the Galaxy, serving in the navies of the Old Republic, the Galactic Empire, the Rebel Alliance, and the New Republic. Even after it was phased out of service, it remained a favorite among smugglers, pirates and smaller navies for some time.

Harbor Ship of Bentus:
Here is another feature from the Homeworld universe, the Harbor Ship of the alien race known as the Bentusi. Known for their focus on trade and supplying less advanced races with “short-jump” technology (i.e. FTL), the Bentusi soon found themselves caught in the middle of a series of interstellar conflicts between worlds.

As a result, the Harbor Ship was created, a mothership for the Bentusi fleet that was capable of housing, repairing and deploying smaller vessels. Thought not armed in any official capacity, it is the bulwark of the Bentusi armada and can be found wherever large-scale fleet deployments take place.

From what I can tell, this design was inspired by what historians believe the harbor of Carthage looked like. Much like the Harbor Ship, it was based on a sort of teardrop design, with a long entrance passage giving way to a sort of rotunda. This design, in addition to being aesthetically pleasing, also makes a lot of practical sense, ensuring that multiple ships are able to be serviced in a 360 degree arc rather than a series of enclosed bays.

Ixian No-Ship:
Another Dune entry which I failed to acknowledge in previous posts, can you believe it? Well, mistake remedied as of now, here is the No-Ship! Named for the fact that it is capable of shielding itself from prescient vision and other forms of detection, including sight. This all makes the No-Ship the ultimate in stealth technology, and led to its wide adoption by all factions in the Dune universe.

Based on the same technology which powered the No-Chamber, a device which the Ixians used to shield their inventions from Leto II’s prescience, No-Ships would become the mainstay of all fleets after his death. In addition to their stealthy characterisitics, they would also boast another invention that was proposed during the time of Leto II, the Ixian navigation machine. This device, which was capable of limited prescience, was able to guide these ships through foldspace without the need of a Guild navigator.

Much like Guild Heighliners, No-Ships appear to have massive capacities. In Heretics of Dune, the No-Ship which Miles Teg steals from the Honored Matres on Gammu apparently had a Great Hold which measured one kilometer in length. This hold was later used to transport an adult sandworms and several tons of its native sand off of Rakis before the HM’s destroyed it. In Chapterhouse and subsequent books, No-Ships served as the mainstay of the Bene Gesserit fleet as well as with all other factions.

The Pegasus:
Battlestar Galactica gave so many cool ship designs that its hard for me to know where to look next. But today, I thought I’d go for the obvious and cover the ultra-modern and behemoth-sized Pegasus, the other Battlestar to survive the destruction of the Twelve Colonies. As with the original, the Pegasus makes an appearance in the re-imagined series. And like everything else, its appearance received an update, as did the tone and nature of its crew.

Although networked like all other modern Colonial ships, the Pegasus survived the assault through sheer luck, having taken its systems down for a diagnostic before the first wave came. Since that time, it’s CO, Admiral Cain, had been fighting a guerrilla style war with the Cylons, attacking their holdings and raiding small convoys in order to keep them off balance.

A mercury-class battlestar, the Pegasus was far more advanced and boasted significantly greater firepower than the Galactica.  In addition to its 30 defensive turrets, four heavy cannons, multiple missile launchers and compliment of nukes, its massive bays also hold 10 squadrons of Vipers, as well as dozens of Raptors and support craft. It also carries a series of Viper VII production facilities, meaning that it is capable of replenishing its losses.

With all of these attributes, the arrival of the Pegasus was a great boost to the Colonial fleet, adding a great deal of firepower, manufacturing and many of the latest ships to their arsenal. Nicknamed “The Beast”, the destruction of this ship over New Caprica was considered an immeasurable loss, though its sacrifice was hardly in vain.

Primus-class Battlecruiser:
Here we have another installment from the B5 universe, from the Centauri Republic to be specific. Known as the Primus-class Battlecruiser, this baby is renowned for packing firepower and artistic design into one package.

Discernible from its manta ray-like configuration, the Primus remains the mainstay of the Centauri navy even after two centuries of service. Although lightly armored, the ship boasts an impressive array of ion guns, a hyperspace drive, and artificial gravity for its crew.

Making its first appearance in season two of the show (“And Now For a Word”) when televised a standoff occurred outside the station between the Centauri and the Narn. In that battle, the cruiser in question was destroyed, but managed to inflict enough damage that the G’Quon class cruiser also blew up while attempting to make a jump. This demonstrated that the Primus, though an older design, was still capable of standing toe-to-toe with its Narn equivalent.

This encounter was followed up during the season two finale (“The Fall of Night”), when another such cruiser threatened the station when it was discovered that Sheridan was harboring a Narn heavy cruiser. This cruiser managed to inflict serious damage on the station before a squad of Starfuries and the station’s own defenses managed to destroy it.

Primus class cruisers would go on to make several appearances in the course of the show, serving throughout the Narn-Centauri war and even making an appearance during Sheridan’s war to liberate Earth. During the Alliance-Centauri war, these cruisers appeared to have been relegated to defensive duty, leaving offensive operations to the newer and lighter Vorchan-class cruisers.

USS Reliant:
Thank you to Victor for suggesting this one. I was wondering if I should go back to the original Star Trek for ideas, and this was just the push I needed to include some. And given that this ship made its appearance in Wrath of Khan, arguably the best of the bunch, I figured it would be the perfect candidate.

A Miranda-class starship, the Reliant possessed capabilities comparable to that of the USS Enterprise. She is best known for being the ship that was charged with investigating planets for the Genesis Project and then being commandeered by Khan Noonien Singh, a warlord from Earth’s Eugenics Wars who had been marooned on the planet for many years.

After commandeering the ship with his people, Khan used the Reliant to seize Genesis and attack the USS Enterprise. During their initial encounter, Khan was able to use surprise to disable and inflict considerable damage. He was only defeated when Spock, using the ship’s prefix code, was able to bring the Reliant’s shields down long enough for the Enterprise to strike back and take out its weapons and warp drive.

During their second confrontation, Kirk was able to lure Khan into the nearby Nebula where neither ship had the tactical advantage. There, the Enterprise was able to outmaneuver the Reliant and crippled her with a series of torpedoes and well placed phaser shots. Rather than face capture, Khan chose to initiate the Genesis’ self destruct sequence and nearly destroyed both ships in the process. The Enterprise narrowly escaped, thanks to Spock’s decision to sacrifice himself to bring the warp engines back on line.

Viscount-class Star Defender:
Last on the list is an entry which I’m personally impressed with. Known as a Star Defender, this class of Mon Calamari heavy cruiser comes from the Star Wars universe, and reminds us that not only the Empire was capable of creating some badass ships!

Commissioned during the time of the New Republic at the behest of Admiral Ackbar, the Star Defender was the Alliance’s answer to the Super Star Destroyer and other classes of Imperial terror weapons. Measuring 17 km in length and boasting over 5000 weapons turrets, this ship was more than a match for the Executor, Eclipse and any other vessel of similar size.

Like all Mon Calamari cruisers, this ship was studded with hangars and launch bays and could carry fourteen fighter squadrons, dozens of troops transports and any number of shuttles and support craft. It can also house over 12,000 troops and carries a standard crew of about 70,000. Though production of these vessels stalled due to the diminishing threat posed by the Empire after the Battle of Endor, the Thrawn crisis and the threat posed by the resurrected Emperor and his Eclipse dreadnoughts provided the final push.

Several versions of the Viscount class were commissioned for service over the years, including the Mon Remonda, pictured below.

Okay, that’s seven down. Do I really need to do an eighth? Ha! Just kidding, of course I do. Perhaps I’ll end this series at ten, or maybe it will become one of those things that slows down but never really goes away. As long as people keep suggesting things and I keep having ideas of my own, there’s no real end in sight! See ya next time 😀