“Bath Salts” and the Zombie Apocalypse

zombiesI hear it more and more these days: “Is this the Zombie Apocalypse we were warned about?” Or is this just one of those rare occasions when pop culture and real news come together to create a sick, existential joke? In either case, I think we all know what I’m talking about. A little incident involving a naked man and some face eating? Yes, that one!

In that case, police indicated that drugs were involved, a strange new psychogenic named “Cloud Nine”. This drug is apparently a form of MDPV cocaine, also known by the street name “Bath Salts”. The “zombie man” Rudy Eugene was apparently loaded on the euphoric amphetamine when he attacked Ronald Poppo, bit half his face off, and then threatened to eat the police.

According to numerous stories on the subject, this product is a perfectly legal form of bath salt that is meant to provide an invigorating bath experience. But given its recent link to this and other incidents , that’s likely to change! Shortly after the first “zombie attack” took place, police in Miami began reporting similar incidents where people ere either biting or threatening to bite other passerby’s. Here too, the behavior was attributed to Bath Salts.

And now it seems that a similar incident has happened here in the Great White North. For those not familiar with the Luke Magnotta story, allow me to elaborate. It began a few days ago when two political party headquarters in Montreal began receiving body parts in the mail. This was followed shortly thereafter by more body parts appearing on the doorstep of Vancouver Police Department, which appeared to belong to the same victim.

Magnotta, crazy-ass freak!

It took no time at all for authorities to identify the guilty party, a 29 year old man by the name of Luke Magnotta who was apparently a gay porn actor. After committing the grisly crime, he had fled to Germany where authorities found him and arrested him. According to the police reports, he was in an internet cafe reading about himself online. It also took them no time to identify the victim, a Chinese student named Lin Jun, a 33 year old man who was having a relationship with Magnotta.

RIP dude!

Based on their initial investigation, police revealed that in addition to cutting his former lover up, Magnotta also engaged in some cannibalism with the body parts and video-taped the whole thing. He posted these and other gruesome tidbits on the web, hence why it was not hard to catch him! He is being extradited as we speak to Canada to stand trial. No indication has been given yet whether or not Bath Salts or some other drug was involved, or if he was just bat-shit crazy.

Granted, this is not the first time that drugs have been linked to cannibalistic behavior. In fact, cases have been reported where people high on PCP/”Angel Dust” have engaged in these and other totally messed-up behaviors. Still, the way this has coincided with the recent zombie craze is nothing short of sickening and frightening!

Just in case, I think it might be a good idea to start researching Zombie guns. I’m not condoning the whole “Zombie Apocalypse” theory, I’m just saying that it might not be a bad idea to have a contingency plan just in case this behavior starts to… you know, spread! In the meantime, I’m thinking it might not be too late to re-evaluate the “Just Say No” policy either, especially where Bath Salts are concerned. I know we all love a good, invigorating bath, but it aint worth becoming a zombie people! Stick to aromatherapy, lotions and luffa; or better yet, do what I do and just have a hot shower. Thanks for listening, and in the meantime, protect your exposed flesh!

38 thoughts on ““Bath Salts” and the Zombie Apocalypse

  1. It is interesting to note that Bath Salt has a consistant behavioral result across the board. We know that the idea of ‘zombies’ is tracked down to the dark path of Voudou. But I’ve often wondered where the ‘brains’ eating originated. Make you wonder if someone, somewhen, ingested a product like this and the result got into the folklore.

    It still doesn’t hurt to have your Zombie Survival Plan ready.

  2. It seems that no matter how gruesome the crimes, the criminals are still stupid enough to trip up somewhere. As for the researching on zombie guns, MIT is way ahead of you; they created a whole manual/protocol document on how to survive a zombie apocalypse. I don’t know whether that’s a bad waste of tuition money or a smart strategy.

    1. Also there is the humour book The Zombie Survival Guide which is pretty great and the CDC last year outlined some basic preparedness for the inevitable zombie outbreak (though now they are claiming zombies aren’t real).

      1. i’m more inclined to believe they aren’t real, but if they are i’d think it’d be because of some sort of magic than some supervirus or something (i’m more into magic and spirits than diseases and outbreaks).

      2. In fiction, I think if done well, it doesn’t really matter to me if its magic or supervirus (though, context matters. The wights in A Song Of Ice And Fire would be rather silly were they the result of a disease outbreak) but I tend to agree that I am more interested in the occult than the mundane viral explanation.

      3. well, i should just warn you mr. zombie, i’m actually a demon in human form, so consuming even a fingernail or a drop of blood will put you under my power and then you’ll be–hey wait a minute, how did this start up?

  3. You should check out my post on Doomsday Preppers; I could care less about an economic or epidemic world-ender but I am super excited to fight zombies. I tried to buy an automatic crossbow a few weeks back and the wife ridiculed me until I pretended like I didn’t want it. Then that guy ate that other guys face and I made her feel bad for not letting me protect my family (though, she didn’t actually feel bad).

  4. I heard about this a week or more ago and my son spent a good hour trying to convince (scare) me into thinking there was a zombie apocalypse in the verge of happening. Did I mention that he’s 21? My thing is this…and I’ve been saying this for a long time, but no one seems to listen….(Hey! Walking Dead guys!)…a reanimated dead person, especially the ones who are all messed up and injured and cut up and whatnot, wouldn’t last a summer. They wouldn’t last one day in the Texas summer heat. Dead and rotting bodies would melt, rot, and disintegrate into a pile or rancid goop in a matter of a day. Zombie apocalypse? We’re safe.
    Now if you’re talking about an “infected”, someone who hasn’t died but who’s been turned by a virus, well then that’s something to be scared of. So this guy on bath salts in Florida would be considered an infected. Definitely something to be afraid of.
    Ok. That was my geek moment of the day

    1. Ah, you raise a good point. The “walking dead” concept and “infected” concept are separate things, but both count as zombies as far as the expanded definition goes. I smell a post!

  5. my husband is SERIOUSLY thinking the zombie apocalypse is starting and the govt is hiding it, i said, ‘dear, there’s no such thing as zombies, just crack heads’… and he just stared at me like i was the biggest fool on earth, and i pretty much stared back at him the same way, it was a zombie stand off, but luckily, no faces were eaten…

  6. Hi, I could use a Zombie gun, you never know right? This story scared me when I first heard it, and it still does! Thank you for the follow! Have a great day writing and watch out for Zombies!

  7. Luka Magnotta is just bat shit crazy… He was the dude who caught heat for killing cats and posting the videos on the internet about 5yrs ago. He wasn’t using bath salts. He trying to emulate one of Canada’s most notorius killers. Schoolgirl Killer Paul Bernardo.

      1. Not exactly. Apparently, there are some brands which put amphetamines in their salts for an invigorating effect and these have been abused. But its also the street name for a new form of crack cocaine too.

      2. No, it’s not! They just named it that as a kind of brand of the drug, plus I think it helped the people making and selling it, keep under the radar a little more!
        I remember seeing it for sale in a head shop about 10 years ago near where I lived, not too many back then knew too much about it, so I’m surprised that it took so long to ban it!!

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